Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Its already the New Year in over half the world. I've gotten a call from my cousin in Greece and its almost time in Italy...5 minutes I think.

Anyway, that means its 8 hours until its time here. 8 hours to 5. I cannot believe its been that long. I mean...we weren't even couply until we were like, 15.

So, we're going to dinner. alone. And then its off to a friends house for a little and then, hopefully, to the beach to ring in the New Year. If not, then its to somewhere....hopfully.

I hate not having concrete plans. I'm like a major plan ahead person. To the extent that it annoys people very much. I also took a picture of my belly button (and my outfit, Morena, even though its nothing we talked about) to show you guys.

As for the whole talking to my dad issue, we had a "friendly" convo today. Which was nice.

Oh, I bought Harry, A History by Mellissa Anelli of the Leaky Cauldron and its really slightly embarrassing that I can remember exactly where I was when I found out when the last book was coming out. (At school, study hall, and got a text from my friend and screamed). Anyway, Its very good and I love it. I read it all today.

Well, its been the new year in Italy for the last 7 minutes and I'm gone for the night.

Have a safe and happy new year everyone!! Happy 09!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My Belly Button

Wierd random convo this morning while eating breakfast (CINNAMON BUNS!!!). I was sitting on the counter and I had my bathing suit top on b/c I was going to go in my friends hotub. And Ethan was sitting and eating with my sis, Ili and this occurs.
A- me, E- Ethan, I - Illiana.

E-You're bellybutton's wierd.
A-No...its not. Its normal.
I-Yeah. It kinda is.
A-What do you mean?
E-Its like....not centered. Most are like right above the jeans button and in a straight line from the nose.
A-And mine isn't???
E-Yeah, stand up. Illi, lift up your shirt too. See...her's is in the right spot.
A-Uhuh...whats the big deal though.
E-Idk...its just different. But you are too.

And I'm laying here and they're right...its not centered. Wierd.

2009. GOALS

1. Get my body back. 95% of people but "wieght loss" in their NYRs and I fit that. I want my abs back. And my lung capacity, and stamina back. I will work on it. I kinda want one of those bender ball things. My abs were AMAZING. It would be nice to have them again. And to be able to run 5 miles without a problem like I could before.

2. Talk with people more about things that matter.

3. Make a difference.

4. Cut back on computer time. Seriously.

5. I had one more, but I forgot it.

2008, a Playlist

Better in Time - Leona Lewis anthem of my year. because it all gets better in time.

I Still Miss You - Kieth Anderson the first six are all actually, I'll always miss you.

More Than A Memory - Garth Brooks "when you're waking up a friend in the dead of night just to here him say its gonna be all right"

Miserable at Best - Mayday Parade "I can live without you but, without I'll be miserable at best" This is actually a break up song, but that line stands out to me. I cried when I saw them live and they did this.

Breathe - Taylor Swift "I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe"

Change - Taylor Swift "These things will change." it DOES change. it DOES get better. I'm living proof of this.

Halo - Beyonce "Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night, You're the only one I want, I Think I'm addicted to your light."

Letter to Me - Brad Paisley This song is great.

My Wish - Rascal Flatts "When its cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile" Another life anthem. Kelli loved this song.

Mary's Song - Taylor Swift (this song will be on it every year) "You looked at me, got down on one knee." --the songs alomost over now :)

Simple - Katy Perry Its Katy, its a funny song, but it's very good. I love it.

Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band "A pair of jeans that fit just right, and the radio up" This song is like, the twangiest country song, but I love it. Its simple and truthful.

Fearless - Taylor Swift "You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless, and I don't know why but with you I'd dance, in a storm, in my best dress, fearless" I love this song. I love dancing in the rain. I love date nights. I love kissing in the rain. Takes me back to, I think, Kansas, and it was drizzling, and I forced E to pull over and dance of the side of the highway.

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz Summer song. I love this. Even though my summer was shit, I would hear this and smile for 3 minutes. And its acoustic.

After Tonight - Justin Norzuka I have a *slight* obsession with this song.

Stay Awake (acoustic) - All Time Low "Before you ask which way to go, remember where you've been......dreams only last for a night" this song is like 438718976109487610697130967 times better acoustic. They did it when I saw them and I was like...URGH because I don't like it as much with all the guitars and drums and bass.

Every Day - Rascal Flatts "Every day, you save, my life" I couldn't have made it through this year without a few people, one specifically, and that line is like BAM on the personalness scale.

Skin - Rascal Flatts "She dreams she's dancing, around and around, without any cares" When I here this song and see the video, I cry. It's Kelli. They did it in concert and It was just Jay and the piano and it was beautiful.

All these songs mean something huge to me and are all now burned onto a cd to stick in the envelope titled 2008 with everything I want to save. I suggesting listening to a few of them because they are GREAT songs!

2008 - A reflection.

The year of growing up.
Graduating early, moving away from the family, and growing up emotionally
The year of breaking down.
Loosing it too many times. Loosing it over people, over me, over anything depending on my mood.
The year of fun.
As much pain that I was in this year, I had a lot of fun. Probably the most all year.
The year of loss.
Loosing my best friend is probably the one event that will stand out to me. I miss you.
The year of love.
And realizing the person who I need the most will always be there for me.
The year of learning.
College has changed me. And I've learned so much more than just acedemically.
The year of stupidity.
Face it head on, I started this year stupid. But learned from my mistakes. I hope.
The year of hope.
For the first time, I felt hope and pride of living in this country. Thank you Mr. President-Elect.
The year of music.
This year was probably the most musical of my life. I'm posting a playlist of the year soon.
The year of growing, physically.
I grew 3.7 inches this year. Bringing me to five feet five and a half inches. YAY!
The year of growing, mentally.
State the obvious, my brain's been expanded. Vocab is 10x better than it was 2 years ago. And in general, I just know so much more.

Overall, 2008 is the toughest, most challenging year of my life. But it had its great moments. Most memorable year so far - in good and bad ways.

Goodbye, two thousand eight. Hello two thousand nine.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Shopping today

Here's Some of What I Go:

From left to right:
Black ruffle dress, f21, I really like it. wearing my jeans under it and the second too.
Satin flower dress, f21, in the pic its not zippered in the back. I LOVED this.
black skirt, h&m, with buttons on the waist. its versitile
black ruffle skirt, h&m, new years eve anyone?

Also got: pink satin flats, lots of bracelets (my new obsession), black ankle boots from target, a scarf, a few flowered wrap shirts, a white lace tank, black sweater thing with the long front that your can wrap around yourself and snuggle into, a loot from bath and body works, dark green skinny jeans, red high waisted shorts, black pinstripe vest, red sequin covered shift dress, purple pumps, lace tights, flower printed tights, tee shirts to decorate, and comfy sweats.

Oh...and everything was on sale for less than half its original price! I spent only like 130$ today!!!

Sunday, December 28, 2008


My wardrobe needs an update. Bad. And I have all this freetime. So I might as well use it. So hopefully this will work. 2009 is the year of Fabulous, Flawless, and Fun. Hopefully.

People Who's Style I Idolize:

Camilla Belle: because she has similar skin tones and coloring as me. She's carries herself well, and has style. I love the way she uses color, and the simple, but perfect accesorizing she uses. My favorite look here would have to be the blue dress, the white ruffly one or the one above it to the left (black and white).

Taylor Swift: Lets just state the obvious, I love this girl. From her shoes, she's almost six feet tall but not afraid to tower in heels. She can carry almost every type of clothing and has great taste. I love her in almost every thing I see her in. My favorite looks here would have to be the the Louboutin Boots outfit with the skirt, the white skirt, and the white Marchesa dress at the ACM Awards (bottom left).

Somehow, I will emulate these two lovely ladies style next year. I chose these two because they're youthful, inspiring, and bold.

Oh...if you click on the pictures of Taylor and Camilla it makes them bigger.


The note from Ethan. (because its illegible)
It says:
Someday you are going to be such a great mother. You are such an amazing person and I don't tell you that enough. I am honored to know you. These kids that you've practically raised don't realize it either. I cannot wait to have a family with you and I just realized this now. I am so lucky to have you. I love you.
Seriously, that rates in the top 5 of the sweetest things he's ever done.
I love my friend Mattie. He's the male equivalent of myself. I met up with him and he brought this gorgoues (I spelt this wrong) guy with him...and I was like, "For me?" and then he was like, "No...for me."
But he left, and it was just me and Mattie and it was so much fun. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time. Which was great.
Anway...the next post will be a reflection of 2008. aka the toughest but best year of my life.

Friday, December 26, 2008

I had a grown-up convo today.

And that made me happy. I was with my little brother and the twins outside on the swings and Ethan was there, and we don't normally have these types of conversations. And that made, beyond estatic. put it this wasn't even a convo. It was a note left on the table before he left. I never noticed him write it or leave it there. But we talked after. And it was probably the most mature conversation we've ever had.

Its just these random things that happen that make me happy. So this note, I'll take a picture of it for you guys tommarow. It made my day.

And did I mention that I need a life? I have no life. I waste so much time on the internet. But honestly, I have nothing else to do. Tommarow night, I'm going out to dinner with my BGF. He's awesome. We've been in the same drama class all throught Cali HS and he made the shit days hilarious. I probably spent more hours after school with Mattie than I did with anyone else. I haven't seen him since May - he went to London - and we've kept in contact.

Oh...did I also mention that 4/5 movies I've watched are created for hopeless romantics. I really need a life.

Snow Pictures Post

These two are on the way up to skiing.

more snow stuff.
My memory card of NYC at Christmas got deleted/lost. grrr.

Some of your blogs

won't let me comment. In case you were wondering. Raven's and someone elses. I forgot now.

Morena's did it the other nigtht.

ummm today i went shopping and hit up some sales. I got a few tees at AE that I actually love.

Anyway....i'l be back later to post pics.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Christmas!

my day started last night

we did our italian fish dinner then the little kids went to bed and the rest of us watched movies until 11. then we got everyone up and we all went to midnight mass.

then we came home at like 1 am. and my little sister is like "its christmas we can open presents now"

and i'm like "its not christmas until there's sun"

eventually....everyone was in bed by like 2.

wake up at 3:30 am to


and my mom's like "do you see sun?" sent them back to bed.

wake up again at 5:15 to my little sis, Cass, sitting on my bed STARING at me.

I'm like you can sleep here.....

For real, this time, woke up 7. The deal in my house is that no one can open presents or see the tree until everyone is awake. The 10 of us (baby and MIA older sis not present) sat on the stairs until 8 when my dad was like "breakfast is ready"

not one of the littler kids ate. i was like guys...seriously? presents, one by one, for 14 people, plus the animals, until about 11:30. Dad and Nonna go and makes dinner.

Oh...ethan came over b/c his mom is jewish. thats the reason they came out. besides the fact that his dad went to london. he didn't want to be alone. got present from him.

dinner at 2 with everyone, including ethan and his mom. (i love her she's awesome)

had a "snow ball fight" in the living room. with balls of wrapping paper. (we save them every year)

the boyfriend and mom went over did the hannukah thing. still over there.

had a long talk with my nonna about the meaning of life/christmas/love.

little kids have now passed out. my mom and dad and nonna are baking. idk what for. i'm watching Love Actually, best movie ever.

oh....i guess i should say what i got:

from my parents/santa:

ugg moccasin slippers
tales of beedle the bard
tourquoise earrings
donation to the american cancer society
and a promise to go shopping for my room

from ethan:

earrings. so cute.
love actually dvd because someone stole mine

from the little siblings:

taylor swift doll
a pink fake christmas tree
some finger painted pictures that will go on my wall
a toe ring
a glasses case because Illi broke mine.

from my friend Kelli's mom (kelli passed away in July):

a double framed picture of me and her when we were 10 and when we were 17 with the lyrics to My Wish by Rascal Flatts engraved on it. (which made me cry)

I hope everyone's Christmas at least a little bit shorter and that everyone got what they wanted and more sleep than i did last night.

Oh, and Miss Raven, if you are reading, you're blog won't let my comment.

Merry Christmas!!

This morning went by fast and fun. I took many pictures that I'll put up. One day I'll just have to post a ton of pictures of the month of December.

I hope everyone's day went great. And that everyone got what they wanted.

I hope to talk to you all soon!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Oh I forgot

My mother, who I am quite annoyed with, made me a dentist appointment today.

And I am getting my wisdom teeth out in January.


because, I quote, they have to come out, unquoute.

They don't even bother me.

Oh well....should be interesting,

I want this.

The last 10 minutes of Twilight minus the whole Victoria being there (ummm wtf???) is amazing. It is beautiful and perfect. And I want that. I want to slow dance on a gazebo covered in twinkling lights with a fairy-tale esque fountain near by. I want to only think about that one person. I want to think, "Hey, nothing can go wrong, ever, and I want to be like this forever. No matter what."

The reason I think this is because I have watched that ending like five minutes ago. And I wanted to cry because its so beautiful.

And the reason I'm like this is probably because I am post-ms ing. I don't get it before. I get it after. Wierd.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic all...I want this. I've had like, in total, two movie-like romantic moments. I'm such a hopeless romantic....

Monday, December 22, 2008

12/22 Thoughts

My identity. What is it? This is something I've been contemplating recently. Who am I?

I am the big sister. The one who cares for her brothers and sisters like their her own kids. The one who loves them unconditionally. Who is oddly maternal and who helped raise them. They are a part of me like I am a part of them.

I am a friend. To my siblings, to anyone. I'm an open person. I can meet someone and become friends with them in an instant - they may not like me but whatever. If you walk into my life its probably going to be hard for me to let you walk out.

But after that, who am I?

I think that I am me from the people around me. How they act, reflects how I am. If they're happy, I'm happy. They're part of my identity. I really can't figure out how to explain this.

I need to find me, figure out who I actually am. Because in highschool, in Cali, I was, and still am "Meyer's girl." Half of his friends don't even know I am. He got friends, I didn't really have that many out here. I had my few drama and orchestra friends but we really aren't friends like I am with others. I tagged along with him to get that "highschool expierence" - the parties, the games, school things. I would have been a homebody. I got asked several times a day about why he even liked me. And it hurt. I hated highschool. It was an evil place. Not the golden years like everyone says. I think I'm having them now.

So. I need to find me.

Saturday, December 20, 2008


In my random free time I'm going to be messing around with the blog's layout.

I've added clocks and this day in history tonight.

I love history...probably because its concrete and finite and can't be changed.

I hate undefinate things. Anyway...gooodnight.


I am finally packed. Boxes are sent home with most of my stuff, I'm just bringing on the plane my cello and two suitcases plus stuffing more stuff in Ethan's suitcase. Should be hilarious trying to get them closed.

Christmas shopping is mostly done. I haven't done my dad's yet. Finishing my mom's as I type. They all got mailed home too.

We were supposed to be there by now but snow came in and upstate got a good 10 inches and I "need" to I got some friends together and we drove up...roads were shit. It was fun..the mountain isn't super challenging (sp?) but it was all fresh powder and perfect. I took some really awesome pictures. Ofcourse, me being me, forgot my knee brace thingy (a few years ago I fucked up my knee skiing and now I have to wear a brace thingy when I ski or do anything the requires a lot of pressure on the knee) and now it like, hurts and tommarow I probably won't be able to walk..but whatever. It was worth the pain. I'll post the awesome pictures tommarow.

I have so much energy right now....adrenaline does great things for you. I go home hopefully-fingers crossed- monday morning. We're supposed to get wierd weather again. I just really want to go home. And I need to make New Years Eve plans. And Hannukkah starts tommarow. I'm not sure if my roomies are celebrating because their dad is Catholic.I think we're waiting until Cali to celebrate.

Next time I post - hopefully I'll be on the West Coast.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A few random things...

1- I saw Twilight. And I loved it. The only things I have issues with is the fact that when Edward sparkles, he makes noises. Overall, I love it and can't wait for New Moon next fall! Oh...and I've seen it three times in theaters so far. And bits and pieces online. Enjoy

2-This blew me away. Can I just mention how much I love this song. And for once, as much as I love her, she's finally blowed me away in a live performance...wait, I take that back - Should've Said No at the ACM's was amazingness. But there was emotion and I think it was kind of an in-your-face moment to Joe Jonas (the scumbag who dumped her over the phone in 27 guys have noticed I spend way to much time online....) Anyway, here it is:

Ah....that was it. For today.

Monday, December 15, 2008

A Quick Thought

I guess I never admitted to myself, or anyone really, how bad it all actually it still is. For the past six - almost seven - months I've changed.

And this summer I was a different person than I am today. Now I am closer to me - who I know I am and was before this whole thing.

I think it was visible to those close to me. It wasn't Ally in there. It was something else entirely. There were days I never got out of bed. Days I didn't eat...days I didn't even get out of bed to pee. I just laid there and stared at the wall and cried.

Ofcourse people some people know this, my mom and dad, Ethan, and Tobie. They saw it and they were the ones who practically forced me to get help. Without them and them doing this for me, I don't know where I'd be.

So why am I telling you this? I think its partly admitting it to myself, and partly because when I came online, I came online in attempt to escape my pain. Because, online, you can be anything. I put on a mask almost, and said to everyone that "Yeah..I'm okay" and "It's getting better" but in actually it wasn't.

And it still hurts, it will always hurt. I am a stronger person now and am so proud of myself that I made an actual effort to live and have a life.

So now you know.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Ugh...I love this dress

I've been looking for fun...because I get bored and have nothing else to do. So tonight my sister, Ili, and Morena went shopping.

I found this dress and I loved it. It is a little bit expensive though. I really want to try it on.

Take notice of the detailing on the bodice and the train. Have emailed the link to my mother and other relatives. Most like mother, however does not. "Too Sexified."

I found this one, also. And I love the bodice detaling. I spelt that wrong, didn't I?

Gearing up for the longest week of my life

aka. finals, paking, moving.

I'm realy happy to have this all behind me. Saturday a whole bunch of us are going skiing, and then they're throwing a going away party for me. Next Saturday I go home. When I get home, I'm going to try to figure some things out, about me, about my family, about life in general if I can. Somethings have happened to me mostly, that I have to figure out. This is not a good bye - more like a hello to alot of questioning.

And I'm so excited for the holidays. It'll be the first one that my family has spent at home in our own home and not in another city or country with family. That'll be great. I still I have to go shopping for the little brothers. They're waiting to put the tree up for me to get there. The apartment is decorated and I love it. It looks so great.

And'll be five years since the night I got my first kiss. So many great things have happenened since then. I'm so lucky to have found true love on the first try. Ugh...still have to get hime something though.

Ugh...just figured I'd update you all on my life. If you don't hear from me next week, you all know why.

Monday, December 1, 2008


Sunrise. Somewhere in New Jersey. I think.

Cinderella's Castle. This is what it looked like when Ethan proposed.

The Everest roller coaster. Its awesome. I rode it twice.

Mickey during 'Fantasmic' at Hollywood Studios.

Minnie Mouse

So there's about 650 more pictures. I'll post more over time...but these are just a few. The trip was amazing. I had so much fun with my family. The only big issues were the hotel (We booked three rooms, and they put us in three seperate buildings...then we got it changed and it got switched to the same building but different floors...It finally ended after my dad talking to the hotel manager and we all got two rooms on the third floor and one on the first.) and getting home this past weekend.

Umm...I was going to say something else but I forget.

Currently listening too: Never Think - Rob Pattinson

Thursday, November 27, 2008


For the first time in a long time I can think to myself and say "I am more than happy."

Happy Thanksgving.

And tonight, I have so many things to be thankfull for. So much to bless.

Thank you, life. These last few months have been a complete struggle. Some days I didn't know if I would even be getting out of bed, or even showing a sign of life. Sure, there's always the hard days, but its gotten better.

The icing has been put on the cake, and I jsut have to find the fork and starting eating.

Disney's been great. My family's been amazing. Its so easy to get right back into the schedual my mom has and kid wrangling is hard...but you get used to it straight away. I sure did not miss diapers.

I'll post pics and stuff in a few days when I get home on Sunday.

Oh...btw I have yet to see Twilight *cries* and am dying. It made 70 Mill openining weekend, so thats a lot...and I heard it was SPECTACULAR!!!

Listening to: Love Story - Taylor Swift

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I'm such a horrible procrastinator...

We leave in the morning and I have yet to even pack. We're driving and I'm afraid we're going to get lost and end up in Hickville, Tennessee or something. But it'll be fun. A week with my family and a two day car ride to Florida.

So...packing tonight. I take forever to pack, so this should be fun. Ethan's driving the first part of the day and I'm going to sleep and stay up all night, then we'll switch so he can sleep. Hopefully, getting there sometime Friday night.

Don't expect to hear from me until December. Have a Happy Turkey Day and lovely day of Black Friday Shopping Bliss which I won't be a part of.

I feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve. I can't wait to see my family. I miss them too much for words. AND Twilight on Friday! -probably won't see it until I get back :(

Oh...the blogged is getting re-vamped when I get back. New layout, new It-Girl, new music!

See you in a week!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I got my haircut and colored

and I love it. First time I've ever loved my hair.

I got it perma-straigtened until my hair gets long enought to look good curly.

Its shoulder length, a long bob almost. I have long layers and my bangs go to the end of my nose, so I'm waiting for them to grow out more. Don't ever get bangs. Its adorable. I love it. I look like a different person.

I love when you hair gets cut and it feels light and breezy and fresh...then you wash it and it feels all wierd.

Color wise, I went two shades lighter and two shades darker and a dark red.

I LOVELOVELOVE it. My mom and my younger sister that's closest in age to me love it. Other people don't though....coughethancough. He say's that I don't look like me and that he loves my hair...

whatever...I can still curl it on special occaisons.

Listening to - We Love You Conrad - ByeBye Birdie --reliving 9th grade.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Maybe its wishful thinking, maybe its FEARLESS.

Yesterday afternoon I recieved my "Fearless" boxset. It has a a box, obv, and a tee shirt that is a little big on me, the CD, a bumper sticker, a bracelet that is black and says "fearless" in silver, a photo album, a print of Taylor underwater, and the mosiac. I've got to be missing something

It's an early Christmas present, so thanks, Ethan..I love it (and you)! And I was like a little kid on Christmas opening it up.

I do think there are too many sad/break up songs on the album. But overall, it is amazing.

Listen to these songs...I'm posting them too.

This is The Best Day...she wrote it for her for her mom. I listened to it for the first time and cried. Cried because I miss my mom and because every thing in that song could be applied to me. Listen to migh just be my favorite one on the album.

This is Fifteen. She wrote it about her and her best friend Abigail's freshman year. I love this one. I've been there, we all have.

This is Hey Stephen. I love it. Greatly written.

Also take a listen to Fearless (with is posted about) and White Horse (which I also posted about).

I think Fearless, Fifteen, The Best Day, and Hey Stephen have the best shots at being successful singles. So go buy it, it is out right now.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yes We DID!!!

Things have changed. Yes, we did. America has spoken, Barack Obama is going to be the next president of the USA.

Last night, with a majority of the people of the United States, I watched the election night results with a fast-beating heart, sweating probably more than usual and shaking all out of the anticipation which all ended with hearing the newscaster (I forget who I was watching at the time) said that Barack Obama is the 44th President Elect of the United States of America.
Now, I'm going to tell a short little story here. Last summer - not this past one, I was reading an article on him I think in the NY Times (not positive it's that one). It was about him and it basically said to watch him. So, this past year I've watched him in this election and remembered the name.
Anyway....last night I spent practically in 4 different places. Talking to my bfl, Kate while Im-ing friends in Cali and elsewhere, watching the news (4 different channels) and on a certain forum. At 10:30, I went to my room to change into my pajamas, having shut down the laptop, to find Ethan wide awake watching the news in there. He looked at me, and in an instant I swear we read each other's minds. We (me, Ethan and Tobie) sat, for the next 25 minutes, hand in hand, watching MSNBC. We knew then that there was no way for McCain to come back from behind that far...Obama had it we just needed it to be official...No counting chickens before they hatch or something like that.
Anyway...Kate is on speaker phone through my cell and Ethan and Tobie's mom was on speaker from Tobie's cell. At 11:05 when Charles Gibson said that Barack is the President Elect of the United States there was cheers, there was sneaking back out the kitchen to steal champagne, Kate was crying from happiness, Tobie was mad, and there was cursing from both happiness and anger.
McCain's Concession Speech was exactly what I thought it would be. I liked that he shushed the Obama-booing.
Obama's speech was amazing. It moved me to tears...I honestly never thought that would happening.
I finally went to sleep at 2:30 Am...I wish we did head to Times Square (or even Chicago). Some of my friends were there - in Times Square and apparently the energy was overwhelming.
So thats that...America will never be the same...and thats an amazing thing. Congratulations Barack Obama and everyone who made this possible. Thank you. I am proud to be an American.
....on a side note...I walked around all day with this big grin all day.
HAHA - I'm watching TRL and they have then the Campaign Summary in 60 seconds and its it if you have the chance.
currently listening to: Change by Taylor Swift <-it fits the mood.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

5 Months

Since Kelli left this world. Thats how I phrase it now. I miss her. Today was a tough morning, and day...but we got through it. We spent the night at my friends aunts house after all the Halloween festivities.

All in was a good weekened so far.


Happy Day of The Dead (or Dia del Muertos)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Those roads in your head

You know those two roads in your head? The one you've been on forever that you know like the back of your hand and everything is there and its all good there and nothing bad can happen?

Thats the road of Happyness. (I spell it like that ever since I saw the movie)

You know the other path? That dark small alleyway which is scary as hell and everything in it is bad, but there still is some like coming from the main street that is the road of Happyness.

I am on the second of the two. The dark road...and for once, I don't know how to get out of it. I feel it all just slipping away: my friends, my family, my life, my dreams, my future...gone. Sure they're not gone gone, but it sort of how I'm feeling. And I don't know how thats happening.

I don't even sound/look/feel/think/act the same. Ethan thinks so too, but differently, he says that my eyes have gotten duller in the fact that in general I'm not as happy as I used to be. If you took the me from 18 months ago and the me now we wouldn't be recognizable. That scares the hell out of me.

I mean, in ways, I've gotten older and more mature, but along the way I've lost a tad bit of my youth and sanity.

That was long...and somehow someday I will get back on this right path. It will happen. I was just getting back to me and I've slipped out did this happen?

In other new, I added my "It" girl on the side bar. Its Taylor Swift...and the reasons its her are listed.

Currently Listening Too: You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift

*Obsessed much?*

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Making Music

My cello came back the other day from getting repaired, and it looks amazing. Back when I moved this summer, the idiot movers broke it (snapped the neck - not all the way - and some other its been in repair for awhile now). Ofcourse, I had to play it....I spent a good 3 hours just going through my old faves and playing some news stuff along with my ipod. I tried taking a melody of a song and trying to recreate it...I worked on Fearless by Taylor Swift and some All Time Low stuff. It sounded pretty good.

I just felt at home with my baby. Like the months we were apart didn't exsist and it was just pure comfort. I love the feeling of my fingers on the strings and sound of a rosin-covered bow along the silver strings. When I'm out tommarow, I'm picking up some music books so I have more to work with. I think I'm going to go back to the classics, so if anyone has any suggestions that would be lovely.

The only down fall of this afternoon of music is that I'll have caluses on my left hand fingers...and my right writs my hurt a tad...but its totaly worth it.

And I bought a 850$ pink fiber-glass practically bullet proof case so the whole snapping of the neck and chipping the sides won't happen ever again. I also got a pink endpin!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Bella's Lullaby--The Official One

From what I've heard there was a Hot Topic thing last night that allowed people at the stores to listen to the whole soundtrack....well, they obviously played Bella's Lullaby and I am upset. Here it is:

I honestly don't think it sounds very lullaby-ish. Sure, the quality isn't that great but it still isn't what I hoped for.

Ofcourse, I fell inlove with Yiruma's River Flows In You but thats not it either.

Anyway...26 days and I can't wait!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

For once in my life, I feel like I know what to do.

Tonight/today I've made some decisions that will affect my life drastically. I'm okay with it...actually not okay...I'm sure of my decisions. I'm not going to say quite what it is yet because I'm still finalizing.

Sorry for building you all up! :(

I'm sitting here sitting talking to my family and listening to the randomness of my house and telling them my plans. Hopefully my parents won't freak out too horribly.

In other news, I lost it for the first time today. The first time in a long time. It was a bad morning...but what goes up must come down...Moods included.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

My Most Recent Epiphany

I am surrouned by tall people 24/7. friends, the people that I live with, and my classmates.

Everyone is atleast 5'8''.

My life is going pretty damn good right now. For once I can honestly look at my life and say I am happy.

This whole election/state of the economy is scary as freaking hell and its stressing me out big time.'s a pic to enjoy.

This is from last weekend. There's a pic of me and my friend kissing Dan Radcliffe's chest. Let's just say that we were bored. Standing in line for an hour does that too you. This is on...31st the All Time Low concert we had to get in line at the entrance of Jersey Boys next door and walk around the block due to our lateness. It was worth it though.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Yet again another Taylor Swift post.

I downloaded the studio of the song I've been inlove with (fell inlove with the acoustic version and then the live at Jamboree version) and lets just say I am a tad bit disapointed.

They got rid of the awesome mandolin/banjo intro and the violin.

But here it is in all its awesomeness.

and I still love it so much. Great song!

Saturday, October 11, 2008



The Twilight Trailer. The last one. And its amazing.

Let's just say that when I saw this I had an excitement orgasm - yes, it is that great.

All doubts I had have been erased. I can tell now that the creative forces behind this movie have made it their baby and its so amazing so far what these people have done.

My hopes for a movie being as good as the book it came from were ruined with Harry Potter. When I heard Twilight was going to be a movie I was actually kinda pissed. I didn't want to see another book series I love get ruined by Hollywood.

So far I love everything about this movie- from the cast to the scenes and clips I've seen to this Trailer. I love it. November cannot come soon enough.

MTV has an anylisis of it and its long and very it I suggest.

My is amazing...duh. LOVE THE KISS. I fast forward and replayed that again because i was too busy squealing. I love the small attentions to detail. I love Rob's sunglasses when they're walking through the parking lot to school. I love that we see more of the Cullens.

Oh--you can see it on the right. Love that little widget.

The Weekend Update

I am not that sick any more. All fever is gone. I have 6 days of meds left, but I am already feeling so much better. Which is great.

Any minute now, my friend Kate should be here. And we're going shopping. Tonight, we go see Equus. I'm excited about this one..this is the earliest we've been able to get tickets. Seeing it for Dan Raddcliffe of the Harry Potter fame.

Then Sunday, we'll be headed to go try to meet All Time Low because they're doing a meet and great...this depends one when we wake up and how motivated we feel. But I would LOVE to meet them. I don't really know why I like their music so much. It really isn't all that fabulous. Anyway...that night we're seeing them again with The Maine and Mayday Parade.

So this is quite the action-filled weekend. I'll try to remember my camera and take pics and vids of everything.

Oh...the music thing on the sidebar hasn't been updated in a looong time. So I'm working on adding some awesomeness to it.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

the OCD I live with

Ethan is .such a clean freak..its almost revolting

He washed out sheets everyday last week in order to minimize the rish of him getting sick..then he made the bed...which is amazing.

He makes me put on purrel after every time I blow my nose.

I cannot use the same washcloth or handtowel as anyones else.

I cannot touch food.

My tooth brush is kept in a sealed plastic bag.

The wii remotes and the xbox controllers are sprayed with lysol after my use.

Its a little bit annoying, but he doesn't want to get sick which is understandable.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

White Horse by Taylor Swift

I really like this one. It was on Grey's Anatomy and on her myspace blog she says that when she got the call she was jumping up and down and crying and hugging random people in the hotel lobby and that the she's basically obsessed with the show. Me too, Taylor. She also said she had a afro as a baby, me too.

Anyway, give it a listen, its quite good.

I love the simplicity of it.

This is my favorite part of the weekend...

The moment where all school-related stuff is done (okay-MOST of it) and you sit down and turn your computer and are ready to have some fun - even though your weekend was amazing enough already. I love this moment - its like all the wieght is gone and you can just begin to wonder about the week ahead.

My weekend was so great. Saturday we drove up and met my friend at her aunt's house and spent the day outside just laying on blankets freezing our asses off. Then we went for a dinner/lunch type meal and then saw Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was amazing. GO SEE IT!!! When we got home, we made a camp fire, and just sat outside with our fronts warm and backs cold (it was like 45 degrees) until like 11pm. Then we went in their hottub and made cocoa and went back ot the fire and then we played football under just the light of the stars at like 1 am. Sunday morning we packed up and I proceded to do nothing but schoolwork.

Now I'm here, blissfully happy for the first time in a long time. I have pics. Will post later.

Oh-and my cold is finally gone!!!

Friday, October 3, 2008

This is Scary

This whole economy thing. It makes me head hurt and I am so scared about the future.

Not only for me, but for all the younger people and the people not born yet. I'm scared for them.

This is all confusing and I just really think that the bailout bill was not the answer. Each individual company is responsible for their own actions.

Anyway....I'm scared and you probably should be also.

Did you watch the VP Debate? WOW is all I have to say.

The news just said that 91% favored Biden as President of Palin.

Monday, September 29, 2008


I need a quote or a motto or poem or saying for this blog.

I need ideas.

First one who give me one I like wins a prize....

some randomness

My dream last night: We (me and Ethan) were at this beach and it was all sunset-y and beautiful and then it was like the movie Jaws. We died/got eatten.

Anyway...the people I live with came home last night at around 10:30. Totally drunk - well...not Tabitha. She's the smart one. So they get home and I got hugs and we talked and we did other stuff- they don't remember it. So fast forward to this morning...blah blah blah me with a hungover boyfriend. So I baked a cake and decorated it excessivly out of boredom and it looks super cute. Then I met my friend for lunch and we did some shopping. Got purple faux suede boots.

I love my outfit today. Purple and Grey pinstiped against black vest over a dark purple tunic with grey tights and black boots. With some random and usual accesories thrown in.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Great Weekend

Got home this afternoon to a rainy city and took a cab from Newark Airport and also took several pics of the grayness. Rain is stunning and magical and awesome. I love rain - it is one of my obsessions - I love everything about it. Went from the bright and sunny Cali to the dark and waiting NYC.

Anyway, back to the focus - my weekend. I got home (Cali) and authenic, homecooked Italian food was waiting for me (Thanks, DAD!) and then I fell back into the old rutine of group HW and helping the kids. Then I gave the littlest kids baths. Then it was bedtime. After that I talked to my dad. It was so nice just to chat with him.

Its the first time I've seen my brother since July and he's now almost 7 months old and has grown so much. He has these little dark curls and deep brown eyes...little Italian heartbreaker already.

Then Friday I took the older kids to breakfast with the non-school aged kids then dropped them at school and relieved the babysitter for the day and hungout with 3 awesome little kids. We made cookies. yum.

Friday we had movie night and had a popcorn fight just the older kids and me.

Then Saturday morning I had a chat with Ethan's mom. (who I love she's awesome) and she basically told me that I was a slob and that her son and I are living in sin and are crazy sex addicts and that we should be living in seperate rooms. I took the sisters shopping and I spoiled them ofcourse. And it was homecoming at my school so we went to that and my sister and a whole bunch of her friends and I went sliding up and down the hallway in our socks. It was so much fun. By the end we had a routine to SexyBack all figured out of use running and sliding and spinning and have it on vid...I'll try to get that up soon.

Today I cooked breakfast and we went to church then we came home and hung out some more then they drove me to the airport (Ethan's mother came too because of transportation issues) and I cried and my sister wouldn't let go of me and Tannie (the baby) was crying and I felt so bad leaving them there until Tuesday.

My dad was starting to go nuts though...because that long with out my mom there to help with the crazyness does that to you. My dad gave me yellow roses (my faves) and a thank you note and a lunchbox of food before I went through security.

I miss them already. That was my weekend and now I am sitting in my pajamas drinking some tea and catching up. I am alone for the first time in weeks because Ethan and all of them went to the Mets game then they're going to some after party with friends after (well duh because after parties can't be before). I'm supposed to go, but the awesome. They'll be back late and I've already called I'm here writing to all of you guys and catching up on everything.

How's Life?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

going home

Leaving thursday night and coming home sunday afternoon.

Going home to help out my dad and spend time with the kids.

My mom is coming home tuesday next, so this'll give my dad a break.

Plane tickets are freaking expensive, but i won't need one until christmas.

I'm so excited. i miss those kids (and my dad's cooking) so much.

Atleast i'll get a few days at home and some authentic italian cooking.


Sorry this is so brief, but I will be taking my computer with me.

Monday, September 22, 2008

It always seems like...

that as soon as things get going good again the magnetic fields of the earth switch up and it all goes bad again.

And its not so bad yet...but its definatly a lot worse than last week.

I swear it is a cycle...lets take 2008 as an example: January was the best month of the year..nothing could make it worse. The in Feb. my grandfather dies a week before my seventeenth birthday. March was great.

Then at the end of March I get the news that on of my best friends was terminal with cancer - given six months to live. April and May were a blur with finals, AP tests, Kelli, and graduation. June was great and horrible. I spent the begining of the month back home in Greece, then the rest in NY with Kelli. July was the worst month of my life...when Kelli died. At least shes' not in anymore pain and she's in a better place. I spent the next two months (July and August) moaping and not accepting her death.

Now in September, as I have gotten help and accepted that she's in a better place and that it is so much better for her to be there than here on this planet suffering. I have gotten okay. I am not spending my free time moaping and crying, but for the first time in a long time I am happy.

So that would mean that this cycle has to fuck up my world again and indeed it has. My grandmother is not well. I am not that close to on the other side of the world does that to you. But I hope she will get mom is there now.

I gues in a way life is like a cycle. There are cycles in everything. I guess what it comes down to is the fact that once it all is great something has to go horribly wrong. least I know its gonna get better.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Lyrics I love

Stay Awake (Dreams Only Last For a Night) by All Time Low

Stay awake, get a grip and get out
You're safe from the weight of the world
Just take a second to set things straight
I'll be fine even though I'm not always right
I can count on the sun to shine
Dedication takes a lifetime
But dreams only last for a night

Yeah...that basically sums up my mood right now.

Things are getting really good for me. For the first time in a long life is really good and I have actually said "I am happy" and meant it.

Today we went to Six Flags...because of extreme boredom and we had a ton of fun.

I got sunburn and more freckles.

Anyway...its late and I want to get up early again. Getting up early is really working out for me. I get more accompished. Like this morning I got up at 8 (for a Saturday it's early) and did laundry and made breakfast and went for a run/jog and did some yoga.

I feel great.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

"Treat your life like a firefly

Like it only gets to shine...for a little while. Catch it in a mason jar with holese in the top and run like show it off" - Me and Charlie Talking by Miranda Lambert.

Today is the day that two of my best friends in the universe become adults (or legal if you want to put it like that). I actually cried because they have turned 18 before me.

Once again, I feel like the baby. And in a way that's always who I'll be...for the longest time I was almost like their little sister. They were the ones who looked after me in school and made sure I got on the right train or got around the hallways right. They made sure I because friends with the "good" kids...and the group of people that my world revolved around had those two awesome people in the middle.

I owe them so much. (and still need a birthday present for each of them...AHH)

Tonight...I'm throwing a small party for these two great people...with that same group reunited again for the first time ina few years. This should be an interesting night. Of course, we've all gone different directions and have made different decisions. But tonight...we'll all be together again and I am so excited. These 7 people were such a great influence on my life.

So I am finish decorating and to get presents...maybe. or just wrapping a box with a note in it...that's probably whats gonna happen. Posting pics later maybe.

Saturday, September 6, 2008


CALLED LOVE STORY. It'll be the first single off of her new album coming in Novemeber, but this single will be on itunes and radio this month! (I spend way to much time online looking her music up because I just can't get

Taylor wrote this one by herself again. I think I always like the songs that are just her writing better than the co-written ones which are still awesome.

Watch it all....

ANYWAY - now you can buy it on itunes and here's the video for it...I'll write me comments after.

I'll limit my comments to 15.
2-When Taylor sees him she kinda looks at him like, YUM appetizing.
3-The dresses and costumes...omg.
4-The balcony she's standing on is breathtaking...actuallly all the sets for this video are. and they are also very romantic and fairytale like (which was probably the goal).
5-I love her hair. It looks so pretty.
6-The way the sun comes through the back to light up around her head is stunning...almost angelic.(I am only about 45 seconds into the video)
7-Did I mention I want the dresses? (the one at the party and the one thats white and corsetted)
8-I love those woods and I love that horse.
9-When he comes out of the woods and the smile on her face is just pure happiness.
10-I love the way the dress billows out behind her as she's running down the stairs to meet second thought was "I would trip"
11-I really want a castle-type thing
12-When they finally embrace I was expecting a kiss.
13-When it goes back to modern day she's looking at "Romeo" like "this is gonna be great!"
14-I love this song already. I listened to it on repeat all afternoon.
15-BUY THIS SONG ITS GREAT. and my slight obsession with Miss Swift.

Friday, September 5, 2008


Lets just say that there are tears still damp on my face while typing this. I decided not to mope in the past and cry over the fact that I will not get her back, but I can spread awarness and make other people my age realize how important and valuable their life is. I don't know if they realize it or not, but kids their age who are lying in hospital beds and dreaming of the day they can go home is something completly surreal to the normal teenager. Every teen has thier sturggle, but what they don't know is that there is a child out there that would trade anything to be in the place that you reading this are now. Sure, you're life may not be exactly ideal to you yourself, you may see your body in a bad way but they see it as something desirable because you are healty.

Tonight I watched Stand Up to Cancer and everything I've seen, the stories I've heard, and everything about these past six months has come flooding back to me. Today marks the two month anniversary of my friends memorial service...the day I realized she was gone. And now instead crying about what I cannot get back I am going to move forward and try/learn how to help people in similar situations as I was. Tonight marked a change in me - a change for the good.

So, in the process of helping me grow and helping others get better and find a CURE - because a cure is possible. It's tangible and it's in the near future. With just some time and money and research there will be a way to save someone's mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, best friend.

Did you know that an American dies every minute from cancer?

I did not know that. I learned that tonight. Share that piece of information with someone when you tell them to donate a few dollars - because EVERY DOLLAR COUNTS! Tell your parents that if they donate $10, you'll donate $5.

Everyone has been affected in some way...use this chance now to make that something that no one will have to say, "My _________ has been affected by cancer"

We will be able to take the fighters and have them able to say I AM A SURVIVOR. because being a survivor is a spectacular thing.

Donate Now @

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I hate fighting

My best friend, Kate and I had this huge fight tonight and it just makes me feel really bad because we've barely fought since, well...forever.

And I don't even know what happened or how it started....

But I just really want to slap her. Thats how mad I am.

I'm venting.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sparks Fly

Taylor Swift is a Genious. This song will NOT be on her second album, called FEARLESS (another great song, but the only vids you'll find on youtube of that are covers, because her record label took them all down...*cries*) Anyway, the rumor is that it will be on the third album because it more mature than most of her stuff.

But I esp love these lyrics:.

I run my fingers through your hair
And watch the lights go out
Just keep your beautiful eyes on me
Gonna strike this match tonight
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow
I'd love to hate it
But you make it like a fireworks show
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain cause
I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around
cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

here's a vid:( listen to it and fall in love like I did)

Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Reflection of Summer & Promises for the Year

I learned so much this summer. This was the summer of change, of growing up, of memories, of loss, of love, and so much more. I think that if I look back at this summer, it will stand out from the rest of them in so many ways.

The Things I will Remember the Most about Summer:
-Kelli she's my best friend and passed away on July 1st. I miss her so much.
-California as much as I wanted to get out of that state and back to NY, I miss it.
-Driving cross country what an awesome week
-Sleeping until 10 and waking up to a new day
-Sharing a bed with Ethan...because sneaking out of eachother's houses was getting old
-Greece the weeks I spent there this summer were just...words cannot explain.
-Swimming the one thing about summer I love the most.
-Clothes because you can't get away with wearing a sundress and gladiators in NYC winters
-No rules because there ARE rules during the rest of the year.

So many more...

This summer went by waaaay to fast. School and colder weather is just around the corner and in some ways I want it so bad. This is the hopes for the next six months.

-Make Friends new school, new life, new expieriences will/should lead one to make friends.
-Good Grades because now that I am in college, the work should be harder...I hope.
-Move on I cannot cling to the past and what is not here. I need to work on getting over this.
-Stay in Touch with my family and old friends back in California.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Some Random Pics

I was going through my camera and found these pics. Enjoy!

Happy Ave. in Bethel, NY


a picture taken of Ethan last summer walking to the beach over the dunes.

FOG (somewhere in Colorado)


LOL agian

That is all for now. Comments???

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Concert Videos

I finally got them up!

Here they are (in order-ish)if its not mine, I made a note):


I'm Only Me When I'm With You (guitars way too loud here)

Our Song ("let's sing as obnoxiously loud as we possibly can" lol)

Tim McGraw (not mine)

Change (her new song)

Should've Said No (not mine again)

Her finale, Picture to Burn, "Don't mess with my friends in NY"


their intro and Still Feels Good (not mine)

Secret Smile (my new fave song - not mine)

Fast Cars and Freedom

Jay talking about NY girls, hilarious. "These girls up here wear little tight things" (he said this would be on youtube in the morning)

(not mine - bad audio) Skin - I always think of my friend when I hear this

I think of my friend again - WHAT HURTS THE MOST, so can here me singing

BOB THAT HEAD finale - not mine

and i love this that someone compiled together!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

5 things I am looking forward too...

  1. Disney World with my family over Thanksgiving
  2. All Time Low, Mayday Parade and The Maine (!!!!!)
  3. Colder Weather for Jeans, Sweaters and Boots
  4. My birthday (its in Feb, but I'll be 18 and I'm excited)
  5. Seeing my sisters in a few weeks!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


I know you're reading this.

and I'm sorry and I love you.

But you know that, so I'm gonna take some time and then, Pizza?

I really want some pizza.

I love you and I'm sorry that I'm a whiny PMS-ing bitch.

--You have nothing to be sorry about. This was all me so deal.---


After everything thing I've been through these last few months, I haven't felt the same...obviously. I've never been exactly suicidal, but for awhile I lost my will to do anything. I've questioned everything and thought about why people die and everything about myself.

But there are certain things and people that make me feel just a little bit better everyday even though all I really want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry.

---The first being Ethan. He's been my best friend for the last 10+ years and he's definatly my one true love (I believe people are destined for one person for life, and he is mine). I love him more than anything else, and we've had bumps and are having bumps (right now and its all my fault) but from him just laughing at my clumziness (sp?) to just looking at him in the morning before he wakes up to when we're kissing I just feel like the happiest, safest person in the world. He's my best friend, and I couldn't have gone through this without him. If I ever lose him I have no idea what would happen to me.

---My mom. She's amazing and is such an inspiration dealing with so many kids is just insane but she keeps it all under control). Someday I want to be as good of mommie as she is. I try to talk to her everyday and I love her. I miss her a lot also. She's been a big help, and when I hang up the phone or turn off the webcam I'm always smiling.

---Its sad to say, but a certain online forum has made me walk away and feel just a bit better everyday. I can vent and complian and not give a flying fig newton if anyone reads it or cares. These girls (and guys - you know who you are if you are reading this) have helped me so much just by listening, replying, and saying just really nice (sometimes inspiring things that have changed the way I look at the world). This site has been a good stress and sometimes pain reliever.

---Everyone else without a long description: my other friends, my sisters - esp. the little ones for making me laugh when I didn't think it was possible, my cousin (who's gone through something similar), my theatre teacher, Kelli's mother, Ethan's dad and partner, Tobie (Ethan's sister), this list goes on.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

More than a Memory

I MISS MY FRIEND. i thought i was handeling this so well, but today was just bad. I'm allowed a sad day everyonce and awhile. I don't like to say that i have and excuse, but i do. and i miss her.

so much.

i am listening to this song on repeat and crying.i haven't heard it in a month and when i heard it today i just lost it. i guess its just one of those days because for the second time i had a dream about her. and it was too real.

we were in school, back around 5th grade and we were at recess and she went down the slide first but when i got to the bottom i couldn't find her and i ran around and the when the teacher asked me what i was looking for i told her my friend kelli nad she said there's nobody named kelli in this these:

anyway...I was going to upload a video of me singing this song, but this website is being an idiot and not letting me.

People say she's only in my head
Its gonna take time to laugh again
They say I need to get on with my lifeBut they don't realize
Is when your dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone.
Driving cross town just to see if she's home.
Waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright.
When your finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know she'll be there in your dreams.
Thats when she's more than a memory
Cuz when your talking out loud and nobody's there
You look like hell and you just don't care
Drinking more than you've ever drank
Sinking down lower than you've ever sank
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees, praying to God, begging him PLEASE
That's when she's
More than a Memory

more than a memory - garth brooks.

I think I need help

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


I guess what really got me thinking this was Breaking Dawn (so good) and the fact of the words on the last page spoken by Bella and Edward.

Is there really a forever?
What does it mean?

Forever isn't tangible. We cannot grasp it, but we are able to think about it in a sense that a little kid opens up his arms like a T and says "I love you this much," or like we look at the starts and think "Wow there's a lot of stars up there."

I feel that in some cases that there is a forever, that it can go on FOREVER, but others there is a definite ending.

TIME, for example, is not a cycle like we see it. People created the calender and the clock, time would then keep on going getting larger and longer. We have been able to give ages and dates to things, but they really aren't what is happening. Time goes on forever. So do those set things that we have created labels for have a definate ending, YES.

LOVE, for my second and last example, is different. Do you grown to love someone or is it love at first sight. I know there is many types of love, in Latin there is multiple words for love - the love of a friend, the love of God, and the romantic love. I know that I feel all of these loves. But say you love someone and then you have this huge fight, and you realize that you hate them completely, but have you ever loved that person? Or is love something you dream about and is a huge disapointment when it actually happens (like sex). Or are you born to love that one person and you find them right away and grow to love them as your relationship develops. Or maybe you never find that person and are never able to love. But is love FOREVER, or is it over once one person or death decides it is over? Or does love not die even through fights and death?

I guess that the big question is what really is FOREVER? If you read it all, I love you.

Sunday, August 3, 2008



I just finished BREAKING DAWN for the second time (I read it all day yesterday and again today to absorb) and its a tear-jerker. I was crying so much in this one, it was amazing-yet-hoaky-and-far-fetched-in-places, but aside from that, was so good. I wouldn't say that it is the best in the book in the series (the original is) but it still, like Steph said at the Nokia, it gave her a sense of finality and closure.

My views on some characters were changed. For example, as much as I love and will always love Edward, I have grown to love Jacob and understand him so much more than I ever have. Jacob saved this book, without him it probably wouldn't have been barable (of course reading the section where it is from Jacob's POV and switching it to Edward would be amazing, but to actually have to listen to him torment himself would be unbarable) I was so sure that Leah had imprinted on him, but when and who and how and what he did imprint on was so much more of a suprise. (I mean really, DID ANYONE SEE THAT EVER BEING A POSSIBILITY?)

The next is on Alice and Bella's relationship. I felt like theirs was weakend so much, by what I am still unable to grasp, and I wish Alice was much more present (Alice is my fave Twi character) and I did not like the strange relationship Bella had with Rosalie. I understand it, but hate it so much. Rosalie annoys me, but not because of that whole wanting-what-she-can't-have thing, but the fact that she's almost arogant of what she does have.

Bella also annoyed me. She just didn't seem like her in the first part. I mean, yeah, she has attempted to seduce a vamp, but I never thought that Eddie would give in that fast. And the whole honeymoon thing seemed a little bit hoaky. She seemed more herself in the second part, but SPOILER I'd have never seen her maternal instincts or desire for that type of bond and love that a child brings. I just didn't seem like her, and more like Rosalie. (Which I think is why she stayed preggers is to make Rose happy).

But Edward. I love Eddie. He was great as always.

'Nuff said here. More coming eventually.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Don't expect me around...

for a few days because of my reading and rereading of breaking dawn by stephenie meyer (coming out in oh...2 hours and 17 minutes) and I'll take some time before I post any spoilers about it.

so excited. be back in a few days!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Concert Pics

the end of a wonderful night. (we had then to wait a good hour in the parking lot before making it to the road)
taylor sort of close up (its on the big screen things)

the boys.

Taylor's set.

sunset over Bethel.

Stage with no zoom.

Taylor's pic on the GAC bus...ew Kieth Urban!

GAC bus. love them.

the tour buses. I tried getting back stage but they wouldn't let me.

Joe Don (he has a nice butt) and theres a pic of his baby on his guitar and he's my fave Rascal!

this is all the cell phones in the air during Tim Mcgraw by Taylor Swift.

these signs lit up at night and this was for the Bob that Head tour.

Dreamin on Dreams, Wishin' on Wishes

Last night we went up to Bethel where we (me, my boyfriend Ethan, and a few friends) saw Taylor Swift and Rascal Flatts. It was amazing.
I will post the few pictures and videos if i can figure out how later on. i didn't take many pictures but so many videos. (you can here me and my friend singing on the top of our lungs for all the RF songs in really bad voices. --i didn't realize that it would show up there but it did)
we got there and were able to get okay seats.
i won a keychain and asked a question to Taylor Swift through the GAC people and asked her who does she plan on voting for president. and then they gave me a T-shirt.
then she came on stage and was wearing this adorable blue sequin dress and she opened with I'm Only Me When I'm With You (one of my fave songs) then she did Our Song and was stopped in the middle and asked us to sing as obnoxiously loud as we possible can and thanks us for putting it at number 1 for 6 weeks and we all sang it and we were louder than her. she did a new song called Changes, and she's going to play it at the Olympics. it was really good. then she did should've said no then tim mcgraw and asked us to put our cell phones in the air (i got a really good pic of all of them)
to cap it all off she did picture to burn. and she started out like "i'm a nice person. but if you're mean to me, or are mean to my friends i'm gonna get even and write a song about you, make it a number one hit and make you wish that you would've done the write thing"
i was really hoping she'd play more stuff that will be on her next album and not just that one song. and more stuff that wasn't just her big hits.
and then RASCAL FLATTS ARE GODS. the came down from up above and did basically all their really great popular songs. and they were amazing. i got really good pics of them too.
and jay was like, "i noticed something when we were walking the grounds this morning and that is that all the girls up here wear little tight things. i saw this one girl walking around today with shorts so short it looked like her @ss was eating them. i bet their phone call would be: 'hey girl, its amy. did ya here rascal flAAATs (he said it like that too with the A all high and elongated) is coming around?' then the friend would talk and amy would say something like 'oh no no no you are nawt bringing his @ss to rascal flatts"
it was great. then i really loved the way they did movin on and skin, just little parts of them and not the whole song.
i had so much fun. didn't meet anyone though, but thats okay. i would have loved to meet joe don.
the little boy infront of us had a shirt that said "taylor you can drive my truck anyday" and i saw girls with shirts that said "some girls like their heels but we love our flatts"
but the trafic getting out of there was horrible. there were so many funny drunks in the parking lot. we sat there in bumper to bumper for about an hour and a half. it was like 1:30 by the time we got out of bethel grounds. and we got home at 4 am.
i'm tired.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Quote of the Day

Emmett: "Ooo, scary."

Definate sarcasm. Emmett is being his usual self. Probably joking around with Bella. I can just see him looking at Bella in her wedding dress and saying that.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Oh My My

Not only has 18-year-old Taylor Swift broken records (youngest person to write all the songs on her triple-platinum self titled debut album at age 16) but she has written music that is so relatable to every person has this planet that has some form of emotions. From the girl with a crush on a guy to the bad boyfriend to the perfect relationships to the girls who aren't just fitting in they way the wish they were. Her second album is due out in the fall and many of the tracks are availble as live concert performances on youtube.

If you have even a smidgen of free time, go on youtube or itunes and take a listen. You won't regret it.

But to me, one song hits home more than any other. This song was written for her nieghbors, but to me this song is an almost perfect description of my life.

To me, the memories are different and I don't feel like rambling on to explain it, but the lyrics are all below (and just a little bit messed up).

She said, I was seven and you were nineI looked at you like the stars that shinedIn the sky, the pretty lightsAnd our daddies used to joke about the two of usGrowing up and falling in love and our mamas smiledAnd rolled their eyes and said oh my my my

Take me back to the house in the backyard treeSaid you'd beat me up, you were bigger than meYou never did, you never didTake me back when our world was one block wideI dared you to kiss me and ran when you triedJust two kids, you and I...Oh my my my my

I was sixteen when suddenlyI wasn't that little girl you used to seeBut your eyes still shined like pretty lightsAnd our daddies used to joke about the two of usThey never believed we'd really fall in loveAnd our mamas smiled and rolled their eyesAnd said oh my my my...Take me back to the creek beds we turned upTwo A.M. riding in your truck and all I need is you next to meTake me back to the time we had our very first fightThe slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnightYou stayed outside til the morning lightOh my my my my

A few years had gone and come aroundWe were sitting at our favorite spot in townAnd you looked at me, got down on one kneeTake me back to the time we walked down the aisleOur whole town came and our mamas criedYou said I do and I did tooTake me home were we met so many years beforeWe'll rock our babies on that very front porchAfter all this time, you and I'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nineI'll still look at you like the stars that shineIn the sky, oh my my my...