Monday, December 22, 2008

12/22 Thoughts

My identity. What is it? This is something I've been contemplating recently. Who am I?

I am the big sister. The one who cares for her brothers and sisters like their her own kids. The one who loves them unconditionally. Who is oddly maternal and who helped raise them. They are a part of me like I am a part of them.

I am a friend. To my siblings, to anyone. I'm an open person. I can meet someone and become friends with them in an instant - they may not like me but whatever. If you walk into my life its probably going to be hard for me to let you walk out.

But after that, who am I?

I think that I am me from the people around me. How they act, reflects how I am. If they're happy, I'm happy. They're part of my identity. I really can't figure out how to explain this.

I need to find me, figure out who I actually am. Because in highschool, in Cali, I was, and still am "Meyer's girl." Half of his friends don't even know I am. He got friends, I didn't really have that many out here. I had my few drama and orchestra friends but we really aren't friends like I am with others. I tagged along with him to get that "highschool expierence" - the parties, the games, school things. I would have been a homebody. I got asked several times a day about why he even liked me. And it hurt. I hated highschool. It was an evil place. Not the golden years like everyone says. I think I'm having them now.

So. I need to find me.


  1. Who are you?

    Ally, you are an incredible person who cares entirely too much about the world around her, and not at all enough about her own self.

    You are a person who has more compassion in one tear drop than most people have in their entire lives.

    You are a person who was once broken, and may still be... but some day you'll find yourself, and you will see what everyone around you sees.

    I only know you through the internet, and for me to know THAT about you, that must mean that everyone who knows you personally... knows that plus ten times more.

    That's your identity.

  2. I think who you are for other people defines who you actually are.

    But in a different blog post you mentioned that you are getting closer to yourself than ever before -- That process just is not done yet. Give it more time. You'll figure things out as life goes on.