Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sparks Fly

Taylor Swift is a Genious. This song will NOT be on her second album, called FEARLESS (another great song, but the only vids you'll find on youtube of that are covers, because her record label took them all down...*cries*) Anyway, the rumor is that it will be on the third album because it more mature than most of her stuff.

But I esp love these lyrics:.

I run my fingers through your hair
And watch the lights go out
Just keep your beautiful eyes on me
Gonna strike this match tonight
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow
I'd love to hate it
But you make it like a fireworks show
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain cause
I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around
cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

here's a vid:( listen to it and fall in love like I did)

Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Reflection of Summer & Promises for the Year

I learned so much this summer. This was the summer of change, of growing up, of memories, of loss, of love, and so much more. I think that if I look back at this summer, it will stand out from the rest of them in so many ways.

The Things I will Remember the Most about Summer:
-Kelli she's my best friend and passed away on July 1st. I miss her so much.
-California as much as I wanted to get out of that state and back to NY, I miss it.
-Driving cross country what an awesome week
-Sleeping until 10 and waking up to a new day
-Sharing a bed with Ethan...because sneaking out of eachother's houses was getting old
-Greece the weeks I spent there this summer were just...words cannot explain.
-Swimming the one thing about summer I love the most.
-Clothes because you can't get away with wearing a sundress and gladiators in NYC winters
-No rules because there ARE rules during the rest of the year.

So many more...

This summer went by waaaay to fast. School and colder weather is just around the corner and in some ways I want it so bad. This is the hopes for the next six months.

-Make Friends new school, new life, new expieriences will/should lead one to make friends.
-Good Grades because now that I am in college, the work should be harder...I hope.
-Move on I cannot cling to the past and what is not here. I need to work on getting over this.
-Stay in Touch with my family and old friends back in California.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Some Random Pics

I was going through my camera and found these pics. Enjoy!

Happy Ave. in Bethel, NY


a picture taken of Ethan last summer walking to the beach over the dunes.

FOG (somewhere in Colorado)


LOL agian

That is all for now. Comments???

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Concert Videos

I finally got them up!

Here they are (in order-ish)if its not mine, I made a note):


I'm Only Me When I'm With You (guitars way too loud here)

Our Song ("let's sing as obnoxiously loud as we possibly can" lol)

Tim McGraw (not mine)

Change (her new song)

Should've Said No (not mine again)

Her finale, Picture to Burn, "Don't mess with my friends in NY"


their intro and Still Feels Good (not mine)

Secret Smile (my new fave song - not mine)

Fast Cars and Freedom

Jay talking about NY girls, hilarious. "These girls up here wear little tight things" (he said this would be on youtube in the morning)

(not mine - bad audio) Skin - I always think of my friend when I hear this

I think of my friend again - WHAT HURTS THE MOST, so can here me singing

BOB THAT HEAD finale - not mine

and i love this that someone compiled together!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

5 things I am looking forward too...

  1. Disney World with my family over Thanksgiving
  2. All Time Low, Mayday Parade and The Maine (!!!!!)
  3. Colder Weather for Jeans, Sweaters and Boots
  4. My birthday (its in Feb, but I'll be 18 and I'm excited)
  5. Seeing my sisters in a few weeks!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


I know you're reading this.

and I'm sorry and I love you.

But you know that, so I'm gonna take some time and then, Pizza?

I really want some pizza.

I love you and I'm sorry that I'm a whiny PMS-ing bitch.

--You have nothing to be sorry about. This was all me so deal.---


After everything thing I've been through these last few months, I haven't felt the same...obviously. I've never been exactly suicidal, but for awhile I lost my will to do anything. I've questioned everything and thought about why people die and everything about myself.

But there are certain things and people that make me feel just a little bit better everyday even though all I really want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry.

---The first being Ethan. He's been my best friend for the last 10+ years and he's definatly my one true love (I believe people are destined for one person for life, and he is mine). I love him more than anything else, and we've had bumps and are having bumps (right now and its all my fault) but from him just laughing at my clumziness (sp?) to just looking at him in the morning before he wakes up to when we're kissing I just feel like the happiest, safest person in the world. He's my best friend, and I couldn't have gone through this without him. If I ever lose him I have no idea what would happen to me.

---My mom. She's amazing and is such an inspiration dealing with so many kids is just insane but she keeps it all under control). Someday I want to be as good of mommie as she is. I try to talk to her everyday and I love her. I miss her a lot also. She's been a big help, and when I hang up the phone or turn off the webcam I'm always smiling.

---Its sad to say, but a certain online forum has made me walk away and feel just a bit better everyday. I can vent and complian and not give a flying fig newton if anyone reads it or cares. These girls (and guys - you know who you are if you are reading this) have helped me so much just by listening, replying, and saying just really nice (sometimes inspiring things that have changed the way I look at the world). This site has been a good stress and sometimes pain reliever.

---Everyone else without a long description: my other friends, my sisters - esp. the little ones for making me laugh when I didn't think it was possible, my cousin (who's gone through something similar), my theatre teacher, Kelli's mother, Ethan's dad and partner, Tobie (Ethan's sister), this list goes on.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

More than a Memory

I MISS MY FRIEND. i thought i was handeling this so well, but today was just bad. I'm allowed a sad day everyonce and awhile. I don't like to say that i have and excuse, but i do. and i miss her.

so much.

i am listening to this song on repeat and crying.i haven't heard it in a month and when i heard it today i just lost it. i guess its just one of those days because for the second time i had a dream about her. and it was too real.

we were in school, back around 5th grade and we were at recess and she went down the slide first but when i got to the bottom i couldn't find her and i ran around and the when the teacher asked me what i was looking for i told her my friend kelli nad she said there's nobody named kelli in this these:

anyway...I was going to upload a video of me singing this song, but this website is being an idiot and not letting me.

People say she's only in my head
Its gonna take time to laugh again
They say I need to get on with my lifeBut they don't realize
Is when your dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone.
Driving cross town just to see if she's home.
Waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright.
When your finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know she'll be there in your dreams.
Thats when she's more than a memory
Cuz when your talking out loud and nobody's there
You look like hell and you just don't care
Drinking more than you've ever drank
Sinking down lower than you've ever sank
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees, praying to God, begging him PLEASE
That's when she's
More than a Memory

more than a memory - garth brooks.

I think I need help

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


I guess what really got me thinking this was Breaking Dawn (so good) and the fact of the words on the last page spoken by Bella and Edward.

Is there really a forever?
What does it mean?

Forever isn't tangible. We cannot grasp it, but we are able to think about it in a sense that a little kid opens up his arms like a T and says "I love you this much," or like we look at the starts and think "Wow there's a lot of stars up there."

I feel that in some cases that there is a forever, that it can go on FOREVER, but others there is a definite ending.

TIME, for example, is not a cycle like we see it. People created the calender and the clock, time would then keep on going getting larger and longer. We have been able to give ages and dates to things, but they really aren't what is happening. Time goes on forever. So do those set things that we have created labels for have a definate ending, YES.

LOVE, for my second and last example, is different. Do you grown to love someone or is it love at first sight. I know there is many types of love, in Latin there is multiple words for love - the love of a friend, the love of God, and the romantic love. I know that I feel all of these loves. But say you love someone and then you have this huge fight, and you realize that you hate them completely, but have you ever loved that person? Or is love something you dream about and is a huge disapointment when it actually happens (like sex). Or are you born to love that one person and you find them right away and grow to love them as your relationship develops. Or maybe you never find that person and are never able to love. But is love FOREVER, or is it over once one person or death decides it is over? Or does love not die even through fights and death?

I guess that the big question is what really is FOREVER? If you read it all, I love you.

Sunday, August 3, 2008



I just finished BREAKING DAWN for the second time (I read it all day yesterday and again today to absorb) and its a tear-jerker. I was crying so much in this one, it was amazing-yet-hoaky-and-far-fetched-in-places, but aside from that, was so good. I wouldn't say that it is the best in the book in the series (the original is) but it still, like Steph said at the Nokia, it gave her a sense of finality and closure.

My views on some characters were changed. For example, as much as I love and will always love Edward, I have grown to love Jacob and understand him so much more than I ever have. Jacob saved this book, without him it probably wouldn't have been barable (of course reading the section where it is from Jacob's POV and switching it to Edward would be amazing, but to actually have to listen to him torment himself would be unbarable) I was so sure that Leah had imprinted on him, but when and who and how and what he did imprint on was so much more of a suprise. (I mean really, DID ANYONE SEE THAT EVER BEING A POSSIBILITY?)

The next is on Alice and Bella's relationship. I felt like theirs was weakend so much, by what I am still unable to grasp, and I wish Alice was much more present (Alice is my fave Twi character) and I did not like the strange relationship Bella had with Rosalie. I understand it, but hate it so much. Rosalie annoys me, but not because of that whole wanting-what-she-can't-have thing, but the fact that she's almost arogant of what she does have.

Bella also annoyed me. She just didn't seem like her in the first part. I mean, yeah, she has attempted to seduce a vamp, but I never thought that Eddie would give in that fast. And the whole honeymoon thing seemed a little bit hoaky. She seemed more herself in the second part, but SPOILER I'd have never seen her maternal instincts or desire for that type of bond and love that a child brings. I just didn't seem like her, and more like Rosalie. (Which I think is why she stayed preggers is to make Rose happy).

But Edward. I love Eddie. He was great as always.

'Nuff said here. More coming eventually.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Don't expect me around...

for a few days because of my reading and rereading of breaking dawn by stephenie meyer (coming out in oh...2 hours and 17 minutes) and I'll take some time before I post any spoilers about it.

so excited. be back in a few days!