After everything thing I've been through these last few months, I haven't felt the same...obviously. I've never been exactly suicidal, but for awhile I lost my will to do anything. I've questioned everything and thought about why people die and everything about myself.
But there are certain things and people that make me feel just a little bit better everyday even though all I really want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry.
---The first being Ethan. He's been my best friend for the last 10+ years and he's definatly my one true love (I believe people are destined for one person for life, and he is mine). I love him more than anything else, and we've had bumps and are having bumps (right now and its all my fault) but from him just laughing at my clumziness (sp?) to just looking at him in the morning before he wakes up to when we're kissing I just feel like the happiest, safest person in the world. He's my best friend, and I couldn't have gone through this without him. If I ever lose him I have no idea what would happen to me.
---My mom. She's amazing and is such an inspiration dealing with so many kids is just insane but she keeps it all under control). Someday I want to be as good of mommie as she is. I try to talk to her everyday and I love her. I miss her a lot also. She's been a big help, and when I hang up the phone or turn off the webcam I'm always smiling.
---Its sad to say, but a certain online forum has made me walk away and feel just a bit better everyday. I can vent and complian and not give a flying fig newton if anyone reads it or cares. These girls (and guys - you know who you are if you are reading this) have helped me so much just by listening, replying, and saying just really nice (sometimes inspiring things that have changed the way I look at the world). This site has been a good stress and sometimes pain reliever.
---Everyone else without a long description: my other friends, my sisters - esp. the little ones for making me laugh when I didn't think it was possible, my cousin (who's gone through something similar), my theatre teacher, Kelli's mother, Ethan's dad and partner, Tobie (Ethan's sister), this list goes on.