Thursday, April 30, 2009


I like it when I throw myself under the bus, let the shit hit the fan and then hit me.
However, it isn't cool at all when people put me under the bus and think I'll be okay with it.

I like provoking some people for fun.
I don't like it when people get me introuble.

I like it when I can scream and yell for no reason.
I don't like it when I have a reason.

I like it when I can dance when no one is watching.
I don't like it when the neighbors see me.

I like it when I can DA in my own home.
I do not like PDAs.

I like it when he pisses me off for fun.
I don't like it when he doesn't know that he pissed me off
Let the shit hit the fan and push me under.

Thanks. Goodnight. Finals next week. Grr...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Post #157

Oh, my, gosh. That's a lot of posts.

Anyway, I'm just putting this here tonight to let everyone know that I'm going to me MIA until next weekend, the 10th or something.

This week is major cram week, the weekend is cramming, and all next week is finals. Lovely.

Ehh, it could be worse. But incase no one hears from me, that's where I am.

I like a 15 page paper due on Thursday, a brain chart of emotions - wtf? Phsycology I hate you, a paper (a little one) on an influential women in American history and some other shit. My brain feels like its going to implode from all the information swirling around inside of it.

And it is also the perfect time in my life to get sick. I'm freaking out about this swine flu thing. I am like, the biggest germaphob and now is the worst time for this to happen. I'm walking around with a scarf around my head in 80 degree weather and gloves on my hands. I refuse to take the subway or a cab. I'm riding my bike over 30 blocks every day, or driving - which is impossible. I don't touch anyone, or anything other than my own stuff. I take a shower as soon as I get home, I don't go to the gym now, or for food. My study sessions in the park are over, and I'm making Ethan shower the minute he gets home. I'm such a freak, but I can't get sick right now. I hate getting sick and I really just can let this happen to me now.

Well, that's my OCD, rant and etc for the day. Now you guys know how much of a freak I am.

Friday, April 24, 2009

the birthday for the girl who will never get another birthday.

Wherever you are
You'd be 18 today
The sun shines a little less bright
I still love you more than anything
Wherever you are
You'll never get that chance to vote
Buy a cigarette - like you even would
Wherever you are
Happy Birthday Kelli Anna
Wherever you are
Know that I miss you
We all do
Wherever you are
I hope you miss us too.

A little poem thing I wrote in like two minutes. I might expand on it. It's not very good.

I was just sitting here reflecting on this time last year and how insane everything was. When Kelli turned 17, she knew it would most likely be the last birthday. And she celebrated with a huge smile on her face and like the sun was coming out her eyeballs. It was amazing. She was so brave and stronger than I can't even imagine being. She was an inspiration to everyone, her smiling gave a feeling of hope.

Part of me feels like I'm imagining this all in my head, that Kelli was Kelli, and the sunshine feelings and such were all created in my head afer she was gone. But I like them, so they'll stay.

So tomorrow a few of us are spending the day Kelli style. We're going to dance at a friend's studio in the morning, visit the cancer wing at her hospital - the one where she got all her treatments, eat at her favorite restaurant, and at night we'll see a play. I'm so excited. It won't be a day of sadness, but of happiness. And we only have her to thank for it.

If Kelli didn't get sick, I would have never came back to NYC. I love it here, and I absolutley detest California. I got accpeted to colleges around the northeast, maybe some would have been better for me, but her getting sick gave me the city, so I'd be here incase of anything happening. And it happened too soon. If she never got sick again, my life could have been completely different and I wonder what it would be like. I can't really picture it in my head. Does this make me sound like I'm happy that she's gone? Because I definatly am not, at all. Words can't describe how much I miss her.

I just wish that somehow, there would be a way for all kids to never die. And that no bad things could ever happen to them. Ever. Children are angels, and without them the world would be doom-and-gloom. That is my one wish for God, that no child will ever die, or be abused, or get a life-time illness, or just anything that damages their being.

Anyway: Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday my bestest friend in the whole wide world. I love you always. I can't wait to see you again someday.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Turn a page, I'm a book half unread

Edited picture of moi. Taken in Maine. I have tons of beach pictures but I don't feel like putting them up right now. Quote from one of my favorite songs, read below a few posts.

Okay, so something has really been pissing me off and his name is Perez Hilton. You've must have heard about the whole Miss California contrevorsy. His question was "What is your opinion on gay marriage?"
She answered honestly, her opinion. And now he has this issue with it and so does the rest of the world.
Now here's what I don't understand, would it have been best for her to lie, say the "politically correct answer" and go against herself and her beliefs? No.
So now there's this whole thing about how it cost her the crown. I honestly think beauty pagents are a joke, but seriously. AT LEAST SHE SPOKE HER MIND!
thank you, goodnight. :)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

hmmm i was going to ramble about something

but i totally forget what it was.

eh brain fart.

i made cupcakes today. they're dark chocolate and amazing.

and i've noticed that all the nice muscle, and wieghtloss and toning i've been doing is kinda going away. i need to make better use of the gym again. wahhhhh.

and hmmmm it's kelli's birthday friday. meaning, she would have been 18. so we've planned a little party for her. well, not for know what i mean.

and hmmm...idk. i'm going through this random harry potter phase. it'll probably last for a long time....until the movie comes out. i'm rereading them and i'm excited. i tried to accio my water glass to me today. tobie said taht's something i shouldn't tell people....i'm a freak.

OH! I remember noW!!!!!
My summer plans are a roadtrip. July and early August through the US and Canada and maybe Mexico depending on its whole drug situation then....with like 8 of some of the best people. we're buying a jon&kate plus 8 van and driving that...i'm so excited. :)

i guess that's it. i'm going to bed now. goodnight. :)

Sunday, April 19, 2009


So this weekend, I went to Maine with one of the best people in the whole entire world and my bestfriendpracticallysisterwhoInevergettoseeanddesperatlyneededgirltime: Kate. :)

Let's see, we stayed at Ethan's family's cottageyhouse like 2 minutes walking to the beach. I love that house. :) And we got there Friday night and went to the movies and saw 17 was goodish. And we ate like 2 lobsters each and stayed up until 2am talking and dancing and it was amazing. Then Saturday we went to the beach and being offseason, it was deserted, so we sat there and sunbathed and I have a slight tan (the highest it got was 55 degrees...eww) and I put my toes in the water and they turned purple. And we shopped and such. It was a great weekend.

What I love the most about Kate is that she's just postive, no matter what. Like we were talking about Kelli and everything was positive. We were talking about the situation with her mother and it was postive (I have no idea how that could be) and that girl is all smiles and that makes me love her even more. I miss her already....Boston is too far away. :( And the fact that she's stronger than I'll ever be, physically, mentally, etc, is so great to. She's had a lot of issues in her life, and has delt with them wonderfully. It amazes me. It really does.

I got home like...4 hours ago and sat outside our apartment for about an hour because I lost my keys (I realize now I left them with the car rental people in Boston - they're mailing them to me) and so I called Idiot, I mean, Ethan's phone, and it was off. So I called the landline...straight to answer machine. I kept calling and knocking, just incase. Then I found the spare key and broke in and walked in to Ethan sitting on the couch in the dark with the tv blaring with Halo in his pajamas with a dirty shirt (he doesn't shower unless he has to do something, letting us all suffer. It's disgusting.) And he was like "oh, you're home." And then I kicked him and yelled at him for not having his phone on....and not hearing the machine. Ehh, that was funnier in my head. But yeah, he pissed me off.

But it was great to have a girls weekend but I'm glad to be home. This is the 3rd weekend in a row I haven't been home and I'm staying here for a long time. Finals are soon, and I was accepted into a college in upstate NY that I think I want to try out. It'll be a music/English/writing dual major. So I have to go there to visit for the accepted students weekend, and then it'll be there in the fall. I'm excited for this change. This is is some sacrifices on the relationship stuff, but that's okay. It's necessary. I think.

Anyway, picture post soon. We must have taken 1000+ pictures this weekend. I just want to edit/look at them all first. Sorry for two long posts in a row. :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I want to feel WEIGHTLESS...

New favorite song alert. Weightless by All Time Low.

I LOVE the lyrics, but the music is too poppy for them. And that makes me upset. But whatever. I'm posting a youtube of it at the bottom. The lyrics to the song:

Manage me I'm a mess
Turn a page I'm a book half-unread
I wanna be laughed at
Laughed withJust because
I wanna feel weightlessAnd that should be enough
But I'm stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick-me-up
And I'm over getting older
If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
And I'm over getting old
And maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watchingWhile the minutes pass
As I go nowhere And this is my reaction
To everything I fear'
Cause I've been going crazy
I don't wanna waste another minute here
Make believe that I impress
That every word by design
Turns a headI wanna feel reckless
Wanna live it up just because
I wanna feel weightless cause that would be enough
If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
And I'm over getting old
And maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching
While the minutes pass
As I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear 'cause I've been going crazy
I don't wanna waste another minute here
This could be all I've waited for
And this could be everything
I don't wanna dream anymore
Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I've been going crazy I'm stuck in here
Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass
As I go nowhere(Go nowhere)And this is my reaction
To everything I fear 'cause I've been going crazy
I don't wanna waste another minute here

It fits my current mood. I think I'm honestly done with the whole college thing. It was nice, a lot of work. But I'm thinking that getting a nice job would be nice. And going from there for life. It just ehhh, I'm over it. I want to be little again. I want to get out of this city. I want to do something. I want to live. Once the semester is over, something like 4 weeks. I don't really know. I lost my calender...oops! But that will be it. I'll probably end up going back.

But right now, I want to pursue myself creatively, that's including musically, artistically, writingly, and I feel that you don't need a teacher in a classroom telling you how to write or draw or make music. Its bull. Once you really know the theory, then you are good to go.

Music is always something that's been in the back of my head. I enjoy it so much, espcially making it - writing it. I want to take some time to try that out. I doubt anything major will happen, but for now I want to see how it goes.

Writing is another thing that I really love. I have one story that I put up on polyvore that I'm working on editing and adding to it and just expanding to make it readable. That will be sent to publishers someday. Hopefully by autumn. Writing music is something that I've just started but still am not sure how much I like it.

I just think I'm going to take time for myself and see where this goes. But all of this leads by to present you with my NEW blog. It'll be where my creative juices go. :)

Anyway, listen to this song, I've gone so far off topic.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

I had a picture to put up...but I can't find my camera. I'm home! (for the weekend) And I really hate sleeping on the couch because they've turned my old room into my sister Cass's bedroom. Grrr.

Anyway, today was nice. Got up for sunrise service with Ethan, came home, did the whole "Oh look the Easter Bunny came" thing. (We filled and hid 200 eggs.) Ate a ton of candy. I love peeps. :) And then we went to regular Mass. It was a long morning. Then I fell asleep on the couch with my favorite 2 year old. Then my mommy made a really great dinner-lunchy thing of lamb, lasagna, and turkey. We had Ouza. Ouza is amazing. It's basically this Greek version of champagne, but you do it in shots and its really strong, very fruity and wonderful.

Then I fell asleep again. And we decorated cupcakes. Which we just ate.

Last night we did eggs. My hands will be stained for a long time. What a fiasco. NEVER let you kids dye egss. SUCH a HORRIBLE thing to put us older people through. Ugh.

Friday night, my whole family went out for dinner, which never happens, because there is so many of us and it'll be expensive and just insane with the kiddies. And I saw the Hannah Montana movie with my sisters, meaning they forced me to take them and I paid. They also got more candy, popcorn, and soda than any normal person could eat. And I have to say, the movie wasn't that bad. It WAS painful, but not that bad.

And I almost got killed this morning turning into my driveway. Idiot drivers. Like they stopped INCHES from my rental car without insurance. Because no one really needs that. GET IT!

So I guess that's it. I'm online because I'm so bored and the older kids have already locked themselves in their rooms and the younger kids are passed out from a sugar high. On me. With their grubby little fingers.

Epiphany: This weekend has proven to me that I really don't ever want kids. Happy Easter!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Music Wednesdays

^Best part of the whole night. That's probably my favorite song that she has. It was AMAZING! I really want to go back. Unfortunatly all my pictures are disgusting. They came out all pixel-y and blurry. You can't even make out people. There is a cute one of my dress. I'll put that one up.

Cell phone pictures suck.

Anyway. I wrote another song, but can't find the paper I wrote it on....

And Rascal Flatts' new album is amazing. I've been listening to it nonstop and seriously. Its so good. Every song could be a hit. Right now, the only one that I can remember is "She'd be California" but there's so many more great ones. Posting a link.


Monday, April 6, 2009


Ahh, before I rant forever, I'm posting videos so you know what I'm talking about.

Yesterday was a great day. In all aspects of my life. It started out by a nice run along the West Side Highway, and then I went to TopShop with Tobie and then we spent the afternoon in the park painting our toenails and signing and dancing like idiots. So much fun. I bought I sequined dress in baby pink and its so cute. I can't find somewhere to wear it too.

Then, at 8 PM, my country side came out and I sat on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and watched my girl, Taylor Swift, of whom I've been a fan for just about 4 years now. And lets just say, she's been a postive influence on my life. Her music made me start to like music again. Before that I never really listened to much, but I found her music and now I can't live without it. Anyway....Taylor kicked some ass.

She, and so many other great people like Rascal Flatts and Sugarland, came out for the introduction and did a medly. That was great. And I sat and watched, while videochatting with my sister, and then Taylor performed. By a magical introduction. Which was pretty cool, I don't really like the whole magic thing, except Harry Potter, but that was neat. And she sang "You're Not Sorry" - not my favorite from her, but a good song. And she was a bit flat. I don't think she's there yet vocally, which is probably why she lost that award.

Anyway.....then after she performed, Reba gave her this little glass thing called a Milestone Award, whatever, that's one of them. I thought "Oh, its a consolation prize to make her feel better. She won't get any other award. The Academy doesn't like the pop-y Fearless that much" So I stopped paying attention. And then, half asleep, I hear Album of the Year getting announced and I looked up and her name was called and in a spilt second I was off the couch screaming and jumping and crying - yeah crying...haha. It seems so stupid now. And Ethan came running in and was like "What's wrong?" And I just couldn't explain and had to rewind for the acceptance speeches and I just couldn't stop crying. I'm still happy about it.

And sitting there watching her take the award for the least-country album that was nominated, and thinking about when she won the Horizon Award and getting so happy over that because she was just so adorable getting that award. And she's come full circle, from the little girl wearing a really (I hate to say it but) ugly sundress just to walk the redcarpet to promote her first album, to perfomring Tim McGraw to Tim McGraw and everyone cheering every break in the song, to now, taking over the world. She really is. She's come full circle and I'm so proud of her.

And now you all are reading this going "She insane" and "Why the hell would a city girl like Country Music so much?" Music to me is like breathing. I need to have it my life, and I'm so fortunate that I've found a genre that has done that to me. Country music is just so pure and wonderful and honest. Not much so in other genres. And part of it really reminds me of Greece.

Have a good week everyone!

Friday, April 3, 2009

SPIN - song I wrote

---As soon as I'm alone, not half asleep, and have nothing else to do, I'm recording this---

She smiles, another rough day
But that won’t let it fade away
She slips her shoes off and
Stretches her legs
Presses play

She spins in a circle
Sways her hips and lets the hair fall down.
Soft blond strands dance in the low light
Pirouettes and a leap, escaping
All her fears.

She gets up, another dreary day
She smiles and walks to face
Her fears, the ones who look upon
The scar and secrets
But she

She spins in a circle
Sways her hips and lets the hair fall down.
Soft blond strands dance in the low light
Pirouettes and a leap, escaping
All her fears.

As the days drag on
Her hope grew strong
Her smile shining brighter than any other
And now,

She spins in a circle
Sways her hips and lets the hair fall down
Soft blond strands dance in the low light
Smiling brighter than the dancer in her heart
She dances to escape, bright eyes
Tomorrow is another day,
Forget the fears, let them fade away

Thursday, April 2, 2009

In response to yesterdays video

I was like "holy fack, that's horrible singing voice ally" and then I was like...hmmmmm should I delete? nah.

keep it up and enjoy.

I wants commentos peoples!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

For all of you, About all of you :)

Okay, so this was completely spontaneous and I was like, "Hey, they're the ones that see the videos, so I'll write a song." I attempted to write a song. It sucks. I was laughing so hard doing the first two times and it kinda sucks. Anyway...pass the word around. Here it is. :) :) :)

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic