I guess I never admitted to myself, or anyone really, how bad it all actually was...how it still is. For the past six - almost seven - months I've changed.
And this summer I was a different person than I am today. Now I am closer to me - who I know I am and was before this whole thing.
I think it was visible to those close to me. It wasn't Ally in there. It was something else entirely. There were days I never got out of bed. Days I didn't eat...days I didn't even get out of bed to pee. I just laid there and stared at the wall and cried.
Ofcourse people some people know this, my mom and dad, Ethan, and Tobie. They saw it and they were the ones who practically forced me to get help. Without them and them doing this for me, I don't know where I'd be.
So why am I telling you this? I think its partly admitting it to myself, and partly because when I came online, I came online in attempt to escape my pain. Because, online, you can be anything. I put on a mask almost, and said to everyone that "Yeah..I'm okay" and "It's getting better" but in actually it wasn't.
And it still hurts, it will always hurt. I am a stronger person now and am so proud of myself that I made an actual effort to live and have a life.
So now you know.