I freaking love http://www.textsfromlastnight.com It is my new favorite thing. Seriously.
I'm sitting here laughing my head off dying from hysterical laughter. My ribs hurt from laughing so hard and I'm crying.....yeah.
Some of my favorites:
(303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
(412): I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
(813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
(205): I only kidnapped one of them. chill
(201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
(512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
(708): i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
(941): I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
(508): Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
(480): WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
(805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
(913): U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
(917): this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
(812): So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
(907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
(312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
(201): what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
(1-201): dying kittens.
(413): so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
(303): My hand turned me down
(989): Well a couple things dont make sense to me. Like people in wheelchairs that have dirty shoes.
(510): my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
(515): She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
(775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again
(650): Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
HAHAHAHA sorry for so many...I kinda went a bit extreme with that. Go to the site....it is so amazing. Anyway today I'm cooking with Alexia and Dem, and then we're going dancing and stuff. Going home Monday.