You know those two roads in your head? The one you've been on forever that you know like the back of your hand and everything is there and its all good there and nothing bad can happen?
Thats the road of Happyness. (I spell it like that ever since I saw the movie)
You know the other path? That dark small alleyway which is scary as hell and everything in it is bad, but there still is some like coming from the main street that is the road of Happyness.
I am on the second of the two. The dark road...and for once, I don't know how to get out of it. I feel it all just slipping away: my friends, my family, my life, my dreams, my future...gone. Sure they're not gone gone, but it sort of how I'm feeling. And I don't know how thats happening.
I don't even sound/look/feel/think/act the same. Ethan thinks so too, but differently, he says that my eyes have gotten duller in the fact that in general I'm not as happy as I used to be. If you took the me from 18 months ago and the me now we wouldn't be recognizable. That scares the hell out of me.
I mean, in ways, I've gotten older and more mature, but along the way I've lost a tad bit of my youth and sanity.
That was long...and somehow someday I will get back on this right path. It will happen. I was just getting back to me and I've slipped out somehow.....how did this happen?
In other new, I added my "It" girl on the side bar. Its Taylor Swift...and the reasons its her are listed.
Currently Listening Too: You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift
*Obsessed much?*
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The whole road thing in general is disappearing for me. I'm not even on a road anymore.
ReplyDeleteI'm sitting in a dark space not moving, not progressing. Digressing maybe.
This reminds me of that commercial that's like "depression hurts".
You'll get better though, I believe. You're not a naturally unhappy person. Maybe you're just going through a crisis.
Maybe going back to Cali for a while will REALLY REALLY help you. Give it time.. keep trying to get through this before you give up.
who said i was giving up?
ReplyDeletei'm not strong enough to give up....or weak enough???
I said this on the forum but...
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you always knew what you were doing and were good at it and now you've just hit a bump. But you;ll go back to how you were.
It may be scary not to feel the same but you ARE still you. Just in a toned down phase. I dont know what to say except take a day off and do stuff you really like. I know thats not going to cure everything but it might help.
Feel better