Oh yeah...so I forgot

My mother, who I am quite annoyed with, made me a dentist appointment today.

And I am getting my wisdom teeth out in January.

WHY?

because, I quote, they have to come out, unquoute.

They don't even bother me.

Oh well....should be interesting,

I want this.

The last 10 minutes of Twilight minus the whole Victoria being there (ummm wtf???) is amazing. It is beautiful and perfect. And I want that. I want to slow dance on a gazebo covered in twinkling lights with a fairy-tale esque fountain near by. I want to only think about that one person. I want to think, "Hey, nothing can go wrong, ever, and I want to be like this forever. No matter what."

The reason I think this is because I have watched that ending like five minutes ago. And I wanted to cry because its so beautiful.

And the reason I'm like this is probably because I am post-ms ing. I don't get it before. I get it after. Wierd.



So...in all...I want this. I've had like, in total, two movie-like romantic moments. I'm such a hopeless romantic....

12/22 Thoughts

My identity. What is it? This is something I've been contemplating recently. Who am I?

I am the big sister. The one who cares for her brothers and sisters like their her own kids. The one who loves them unconditionally. Who is oddly maternal and who helped raise them. They are a part of me like I am a part of them.

I am a friend. To my siblings, to anyone. I'm an open person. I can meet someone and become friends with them in an instant - they may not like me but whatever. If you walk into my life its probably going to be hard for me to let you walk out.

But after that, who am I?

I think that I am me from the people around me. How they act, reflects how I am. If they're happy, I'm happy. They're part of my identity. I really can't figure out how to explain this.

I need to find me, figure out who I actually am. Because in highschool, in Cali, I was, and still am "Meyer's girl." Half of his friends don't even know I am. He got friends, I didn't really have that many out here. I had my few drama and orchestra friends but we really aren't friends like I am with others. I tagged along with him to get that "highschool expierence" - the parties, the games, school things. I would have been a homebody. I got asked several times a day about why he even liked me. And it hurt. I hated highschool. It was an evil place. Not the golden years like everyone says. I think I'm having them now.

So. I need to find me.

Oh

In my random free time I'm going to be messing around with the blog's layout.

I've added clocks and this day in history tonight.

I love history...probably because its concrete and finite and can't be changed.

I hate undefinate things. Anyway...gooodnight.

So

I am finally packed. Boxes are sent home with most of my stuff, I'm just bringing on the plane my cello and two suitcases plus stuffing more stuff in Ethan's suitcase. Should be hilarious trying to get them closed.

Christmas shopping is mostly done. I haven't done my dad's yet. Finishing my mom's as I type. They all got mailed home too.

We were supposed to be there by now but snow came in and upstate got a good 10 inches and I "need" to ski...so I got some friends together and we drove up...roads were shit. It was fun..the mountain isn't super challenging (sp?) but it was all fresh powder and perfect. I took some really awesome pictures. Ofcourse, me being me, forgot my knee brace thingy (a few years ago I fucked up my knee skiing and now I have to wear a brace thingy when I ski or do anything the requires a lot of pressure on the knee) and now it like, hurts and tommarow I probably won't be able to walk..but whatever. It was worth the pain. I'll post the awesome pictures tommarow.

I have so much energy right now....adrenaline does great things for you. I go home hopefully-fingers crossed- monday morning. We're supposed to get wierd weather again. I just really want to go home. And I need to make New Years Eve plans. And Hannukkah starts tommarow. I'm not sure if my roomies are celebrating because their dad is Catholic.I think we're waiting until Cali to celebrate.

Next time I post - hopefully I'll be on the West Coast.

A few random things...

1- I saw Twilight. And I loved it. The only things I have issues with is the fact that when Edward sparkles, he makes noises. Overall, I love it and can't wait for New Moon next fall! Oh...and I've seen it three times in theaters so far. And bits and pieces online. Enjoy this...lol.



2-This blew me away. Can I just mention how much I love this song. And for once, as much as I love her, she's finally blowed me away in a live performance...wait, I take that back - Should've Said No at the ACM's was amazingness. But there was emotion and I think it was kind of an in-your-face moment to Joe Jonas (the scumbag who dumped her over the phone in 27 seconds...you guys have noticed I spend way to much time online....) Anyway, here it is:



Ah....that was it. For today.

A Quick Thought

I guess I never admitted to myself, or anyone really, how bad it all actually was...how it still is. For the past six - almost seven - months I've changed.

And this summer I was a different person than I am today. Now I am closer to me - who I know I am and was before this whole thing.

I think it was visible to those close to me. It wasn't Ally in there. It was something else entirely. There were days I never got out of bed. Days I didn't eat...days I didn't even get out of bed to pee. I just laid there and stared at the wall and cried.

Ofcourse people some people know this, my mom and dad, Ethan, and Tobie. They saw it and they were the ones who practically forced me to get help. Without them and them doing this for me, I don't know where I'd be.

So why am I telling you this? I think its partly admitting it to myself, and partly because when I came online, I came online in attempt to escape my pain. Because, online, you can be anything. I put on a mask almost, and said to everyone that "Yeah..I'm okay" and "It's getting better" but in actually it wasn't.

And it still hurts, it will always hurt. I am a stronger person now and am so proud of myself that I made an actual effort to live and have a life.

So now you know.

Ugh...I love this dress

I've been looking for fun...because I get bored and have nothing else to do. So tonight my sister, Ili, and Morena went shopping.

I found this dress and I loved it. It is a little bit expensive though. I really want to try it on.
Comments?

http://tinyurl.com/6rs7zp

Take notice of the detailing on the bodice and the train. Have emailed the link to my mother and other relatives. Most like it...my mother, however does not. "Too Sexified."

I found this one, also. And I love the bodice detaling. I spelt that wrong, didn't I?

http://tinyurl.com/5p3myn

Gearing up for the longest week of my life

aka. finals, paking, moving.

I'm realy happy to have this all behind me. Saturday a whole bunch of us are going skiing, and then they're throwing a going away party for me. Next Saturday I go home. When I get home, I'm going to try to figure some things out, about me, about my family, about life in general if I can. Somethings have happened to me mostly, that I have to figure out. This is not a good bye - more like a hello to alot of questioning.

And I'm so excited for the holidays. It'll be the first one that my family has spent at home in our own home and not in another city or country with family. That'll be great. I still I have to go shopping for the little brothers. They're waiting to put the tree up for me to get there. The apartment is decorated and I love it. It looks so great.

And then...it'll be five years since the night I got my first kiss. So many great things have happenened since then. I'm so lucky to have found true love on the first try. Ugh...still have to get hime something though.

Ugh...just figured I'd update you all on my life. If you don't hear from me next week, you all know why.

Florida

Sunrise. Somewhere in New Jersey. I think.




Cinderella's Castle. This is what it looked like when Ethan proposed.


The Everest roller coaster. Its awesome. I rode it twice.



Mickey during 'Fantasmic' at Hollywood Studios.

Minnie Mouse


So there's about 650 more pictures. I'll post more over time...but these are just a few. The trip was amazing. I had so much fun with my family. The only big issues were the hotel (We booked three rooms, and they put us in three seperate buildings...then we got it changed and it got switched to the same building but different floors...It finally ended after my dad talking to the hotel manager and we all got two rooms on the third floor and one on the first.) and getting home this past weekend.

Umm...I was going to say something else but I forget.

Currently listening too: Never Think - Rob Pattinson