I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
And now the rain is washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world
I'm so many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
And towering over your head
-Remembering Sunday by All Time Low

This will be my next full cover for youtube. :)

Um. So I think that at this point I'm going to keep this blog, because I've put so much on here, I'm keeping twitter and aim becuase even though I could make a new SN and not tell all of you, I'm not going to because it would be a pain in the ass to tell my highschool, college, family, and other random friends my new screenname.

Want to know something insane? This morning I logged onto aim and Kelli was on...not even joking. And I didn't get sad. I was more or less in shock on how someone could be on HER screename....

Anyway...this past week was so great....but so much happeneded. I pulled 3 all nighters. I went to a wedding. I was in that wedding...and efff the memory card I lost has all the pictures from it on there...UGH. But I will find it, it's somewhere around here.

So let's see. I'm excited for summer. Because summer will be here with the start of July. Monday the 6th Ethan and I leave for Maine to stay at his family's house until middle August. I'm hoping to find a job there....something part time and fun. Hopefully.

And then I start college in my house in Poughkeepsie. And I'm excited for that. In my two bedroom, one bathroom house with a little kitchen and a backyard big enough for manhunt. :D I'm excited because Katie is going to college across the river so we can see eachother all the time!

Speaking of Katie...she's been asleep next to me for the last 5 hours. HAHA. I woke her up at 7 this morning to run with me and she was out partying until 3:30 AM, came here and showered then slept. So really, she hates me for waking her up. But she'll do the same tommorrow morning.

We start blowing up 500 pink balloons tomorrow for our July 1st Kelli thing. Are balloons littering? I don't know.

Uhhh.....I think that's it. Oh. I want to talk about me. And myself. And just this past year in general. First of all, I couldn't have done it without you guys. Really, thank you and I love you all so much. And in a way, this was the best year of my life, but also the most painful. I've learned so much in this last year. About myself...like I'm strong. And I can get through anything. About the world and that it's cruel, and at the same time a wonderful place. This past year I was lucky enough to travel, across America and then home to the place of my birth and to Italy. I was lucky enough to not only see my favorite bands/artists play live, but I got to meet Taylor Swift. I lost a friend, but a gained more. I discovered that I have talents I didn't think possible or that I had. I learned about everything.

And with this comes changes. I've changed myself. I got the body I had when I was 16 back. (YES!) That awful haircut grew out and now I have the hair that I was born with. My eyes are changing, they're now hazelish. I'm a good 3 inches taller...bringing me to 5foot6inches. I changed inside also, I'm more confident in who I am. I love myself. I love my life. And I could not ask for more.

Random Kelli/Death Epiphany:
People die. People have to die. It's natural. She just happened faster than the rest of us. She knew what she wanted and lived how she wanted to live. Like we all try to do. We are all gonna die, and when we die, sure, people will be sad. But we should be happy that we knew that person and we honored to have met them. We should celebrate the things they accomplished. Death should not be sad, death should be happy...a celebration of life.

I think the reason I got so depressed was because I can't let go of things, mainly people. And I was almost selfish for wanting her there with me alive again. But she was my best friend...closer to me than Ethan if that is possible...and I'm going to miss her no matter what. I miss my mom when I don't see her, I miss my cousins in Europe, I misss people I don't see very often...but I'll see them again, just like I'll see Kelli again...and that's perfectly okay with me. I know that and I look forward to death when I'm like 100 years old. The one thing I do hope for when I die is that my kids, if I have any, Ethan, if he's still in my life, and my grandkids, if I have any all die after me. I don't think I'd be able to handle that.

Wow that was long. And it's now MONDAY. I better go sleep. Goodnight world. :)

One way Two say, Three words Four you....I love you.

Listening to the Plain White Tee's. I can do that on guitar. When I get back to NY, or soon idk which, but I promise a mini concert. I'll make a list of songs I can do and you all can pick them.

Anyway, recent events that I'm not going into right now, have taught me to just appreciate life. Do not take ANYTHING for granted. Love the people you hate, because of their flaws. Smile at everyone. Let everyone into your life no matter what they've done in their past that is a bit dodgy. Be a person that is positive for the world. Every second wasted is a moment lost.

Actually, I'll tell you. I got an email last night from a mutual friend from highschool. A boy that was friends with everyone killed himself last Friday. I found out almost a week later, I would have gone out to the service for him if I knew. He was amazing and always had a smile and nothing was ever wrong with him to my knowledge. It is just odd to me that someone that was just the light and laughter of the school do that.

What I just been thinking about all day is maybe I could have done something to prevent it, anyone could have. Maybe just being there for him. No one really knew that there was anything wrong. That scares me. Are we all just too oblivious?

This all goes back to the header for this, yeah, it's a love song, but if we all just said "I love you" to someone everyday....who knows what could happen?

Anyway...think about it. I'm leaving Greece earlier than I planned, I was staying until June 12th originally, but I'm going home on Monday. I love it here, but I just need America right now. I need to be closer to my family, my friends, etc.

Oh yeah, I accidently put a hole through my new guitar. Not good. I was fumbling around in the dark and stepped on it....oops. Guess its back to the crapper.

It's 4 am

And I've been up for about 17 hours straight. We left Italy early yesterday to fly to Santorini - first time I arrived by plane because my grandmother was not good at all. She was getting worse by the minute. We said goodbye and just sat outside her house, my whole Greek family just waiting. And she passed at about 1 AM. Well, it's three hours later and I'm just ready to crash. But I wanted to share with you all a little about my grandmother.

Her name is Zeta, short for something - I'll find out and get back to you. We all just called her Zeta. She was mother of 5, with 12 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. She met all of them before she died. Umm, she married my grandfather at age 18 and they opened a restaurant my uncle now owns. She was an awesome woman. She was 83 years old.

Anyway, more posts and lost of online time coming soon. I feel like I haven't talked to some of you in forever. Good night to you, goodmorning to me. I'm sleeping forever.