I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
And now the rain is washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world
I'm so many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
And towering over your head
-Remembering Sunday by All Time Low

This will be my next full cover for youtube. :)

Um. So I think that at this point I'm going to keep this blog, because I've put so much on here, I'm keeping twitter and aim becuase even though I could make a new SN and not tell all of you, I'm not going to because it would be a pain in the ass to tell my highschool, college, family, and other random friends my new screenname.

Want to know something insane? This morning I logged onto aim and Kelli was on...not even joking. And I didn't get sad. I was more or less in shock on how someone could be on HER screename....

Anyway...this past week was so great....but so much happeneded. I pulled 3 all nighters. I went to a wedding. I was in that wedding...and efff the memory card I lost has all the pictures from it on there...UGH. But I will find it, it's somewhere around here.

So let's see. I'm excited for summer. Because summer will be here with the start of July. Monday the 6th Ethan and I leave for Maine to stay at his family's house until middle August. I'm hoping to find a job there....something part time and fun. Hopefully.

And then I start college in my house in Poughkeepsie. And I'm excited for that. In my two bedroom, one bathroom house with a little kitchen and a backyard big enough for manhunt. :D I'm excited because Katie is going to college across the river so we can see eachother all the time!

Speaking of Katie...she's been asleep next to me for the last 5 hours. HAHA. I woke her up at 7 this morning to run with me and she was out partying until 3:30 AM, came here and showered then slept. So really, she hates me for waking her up. But she'll do the same tommorrow morning.

We start blowing up 500 pink balloons tomorrow for our July 1st Kelli thing. Are balloons littering? I don't know.

Uhhh.....I think that's it. Oh. I want to talk about me. And myself. And just this past year in general. First of all, I couldn't have done it without you guys. Really, thank you and I love you all so much. And in a way, this was the best year of my life, but also the most painful. I've learned so much in this last year. About myself...like I'm strong. And I can get through anything. About the world and that it's cruel, and at the same time a wonderful place. This past year I was lucky enough to travel, across America and then home to the place of my birth and to Italy. I was lucky enough to not only see my favorite bands/artists play live, but I got to meet Taylor Swift. I lost a friend, but a gained more. I discovered that I have talents I didn't think possible or that I had. I learned about everything.

And with this comes changes. I've changed myself. I got the body I had when I was 16 back. (YES!) That awful haircut grew out and now I have the hair that I was born with. My eyes are changing, they're now hazelish. I'm a good 3 inches taller...bringing me to 5foot6inches. I changed inside also, I'm more confident in who I am. I love myself. I love my life. And I could not ask for more.

Random Kelli/Death Epiphany:
People die. People have to die. It's natural. She just happened faster than the rest of us. She knew what she wanted and lived how she wanted to live. Like we all try to do. We are all gonna die, and when we die, sure, people will be sad. But we should be happy that we knew that person and we honored to have met them. We should celebrate the things they accomplished. Death should not be sad, death should be happy...a celebration of life.

I think the reason I got so depressed was because I can't let go of things, mainly people. And I was almost selfish for wanting her there with me alive again. But she was my best friend...closer to me than Ethan if that is possible...and I'm going to miss her no matter what. I miss my mom when I don't see her, I miss my cousins in Europe, I misss people I don't see very often...but I'll see them again, just like I'll see Kelli again...and that's perfectly okay with me. I know that and I look forward to death when I'm like 100 years old. The one thing I do hope for when I die is that my kids, if I have any, Ethan, if he's still in my life, and my grandkids, if I have any all die after me. I don't think I'd be able to handle that.

Wow that was long. And it's now MONDAY. I better go sleep. Goodnight world. :)

Happy Easter

I had a picture to put up...but I can't find my camera. I'm home! (for the weekend) And I really hate sleeping on the couch because they've turned my old room into my sister Cass's bedroom. Grrr.

Anyway, today was nice. Got up for sunrise service with Ethan, came home, did the whole "Oh look the Easter Bunny came" thing. (We filled and hid 200 eggs.) Ate a ton of candy. I love peeps. :) And then we went to regular Mass. It was a long morning. Then I fell asleep on the couch with my favorite 2 year old. Then my mommy made a really great dinner-lunchy thing of lamb, lasagna, and turkey. We had Ouza. Ouza is amazing. It's basically this Greek version of champagne, but you do it in shots and its really strong, very fruity and wonderful.

Then I fell asleep again. And we decorated cupcakes. Which we just ate.

Last night we did eggs. My hands will be stained for a long time. What a fiasco. NEVER let you kids dye egss. SUCH a HORRIBLE thing to put us older people through. Ugh.

Friday night, my whole family went out for dinner, which never happens, because there is so many of us and it'll be expensive and just insane with the kiddies. And I saw the Hannah Montana movie with my sisters, meaning they forced me to take them and I paid. They also got more candy, popcorn, and soda than any normal person could eat. And I have to say, the movie wasn't that bad. It WAS painful, but not that bad.

And I almost got killed this morning turning into my driveway. Idiot drivers. Like they stopped INCHES from my rental car without insurance. Because no one really needs that. GET IT!

So I guess that's it. I'm online because I'm so bored and the older kids have already locked themselves in their rooms and the younger kids are passed out from a sugar high. On me. With their grubby little fingers.

Epiphany: This weekend has proven to me that I really don't ever want kids. Happy Easter!

My two most recent epiphanies.

Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Taken by Me, summer 05.

1-Don't be an idiot. Don't get drunk at parties where you can be arrested. Don't go to parties like that period. Don't call your older sister and complain that your parent's have taken away everything...and don't try to make people feel sorry for yourself. Don't think its cool to get drunk. Don't think its cool to get high. Don't do those things. period. It's stupid and you will get introuble. I am so glad I was never that person. I'm glad that I have and had good friends who are perfectly content with staying in and eating pizza and Chinese take out, watching movies and playing games.





2-I think that I wasn't ever actually done with the whole therapy thing. I was looking at signs of depression and rapid mood swings are a sign, and also the whole holding everything in and then building up like a volcano suddenly flipping out at the littlest thing. Honestly, I miss the whole talking to a stranger about myself thing. Its nice. I think I'll call Kim tommarow morning and figure out if I really need this or if its just in my head.