Heartbreak

Why do boys do bad things?
Why do boys hurt beautiful girls who've been through enough?
Better yet, why do boys who seem like good boys cheat on good girls?

This is what I've been asking myself since yesterday. So let me tell you a story.

Once there was a beautiful girl with smooth chocolate-y skin and a beautiful smile. She was confident and true to her words. She loved her friends and would be their for their tears and force laughter and smiles when they really needed it. Then, when she was 13, her parents got divorced, she moved away from the city she grew up in and her dad moved too, meaning....she never got to see her friends who got reallly selfish about that (and still are) and then her mom began verbally abusing her and her little sister. But they stayed strong. This girl helped raise her little sister because her mother basically couldn't. Then, at age 17, she helped a girl who couldn't always find a smile get through the worst and told her she was beautiful when she was bald and rubbed her back when she puked from the chemo. She did what others couldn't do. Then this friend passed, and we had to deal and we did, she did better than me but we got through it and came out stronger with a purpose to live. Then, this past December, this abuse got even worse with her mothe, so she made the decision in the middle of her senior year to take her sister and move to Boston...a hundred or so miles away from her mother becuase it became too much and she needed to. Then, when she was there, she was happier than ever. Her sister made good friends, she made good friends. And then, when she turned 18 in April, she met this great guy...a junior at her school. They went to prom together, and then, her best friend AKA ME, met him and approved. He was the nicest guy, sweet, adorable. They shared three weeks in Germany with thier schools exchange this July and June and then, a week after they get home...

BAM. She sees him cheating on her. Like that, everything good about this boy becomes bad. And it just makes me so mad that, someone who knew all of that, would go and do that to her. It's not right. It makes me so mad.

So today she came up and we went for a long walk on the beach and hung out and baked and blasted revenge songs (the best ones "kerosene" and "picture to burn") and we danced and screamed the lyrics. Just had some good girl time.

She's just so heartbroken and I wish I could do more to help her. Make it all feel better. But I can't. I don't think nothing can.

Oh yeah....we wrote a really really great guy-trashing breakup song. Well, a few songs...but one good one. Haha.

picture from Leaky. my pics will be coming as soon as possible. right now my camera isn't acessible and I want a chance to pic the best ones. :D

I woke up at 3 am this morning. I love Emma's dress. Everyone looked so great. Yesterday was amazing. So great. I can't believe it acutally happened. Harry Potter was the first book I read in English entirely by myself in second grade. English. I've grown up with it and it's like a friend to me. I've watched these actors grow up and these books have been there when I didn't have anyone.

OH LANCE! I forgot about him. I left with my sister around 4 to get dressed for the movie after since we were in sweats and stuff. And I came back with a little wristlet clutch and Lance Bass came by and I didn't want him to sign the poster I had, so he signed my clutch. My inner twelve year old was freaking out and crying uncontrollably at the fact that his hand was touching me. I held it together though. I did tell him that I missed Nsync. :D

Umm redcarpet was amazing. I got pictures of everyone. Everyone was beautiful. And autographs from as many as possible. And I took a picture with Emma Watson which cut off like half my head but whatever. I told her I loved the Burberry Campaign and the TeenVogue cover (which if you haven';t seen it, it's stunning along with the spread. Actually her first cover on TV was the first one of those I ever got and it will also be my last becuase I haaven't renewed my subscription.) and that's she's beautiful and each movie she's becoming a more talented and graceful actress.

Now for the part that you really want to know. The Movie. It was AMAZING! Best one yet. The opening scene is amazing. And it's a bit slow for a while but the end...OH MY GOSH. The inferi are perfect. And everything is great. I don't like that they added in the Burrow getting attacked but whatever. I cna't change it. QUIDDITCH IS PERFECT AND AWESOME. and I really really really missed it. Oh...and the kiss between Harry and Ginny could have been so much better. :( I don't know how much more I can say without getting taken away by the dementors (WB) for saying to much. But I will be seeing it again next Wednesday. Everyone must see this. It is so great.

I really really really am so blessed and I am so happy. Last night was better than seeing Taylor in May. :D And that's something that I thouhgt I would never ever say.

Take me back to the time when you took my hand & dragged my head first, fearless

Two new videos, Mary's Song (which is okay) and Fearless (which I screwed up...). Umm once again I am still sick....3 days of antibiotics left. YAY!!! Um. So in both I recorded the singing first, then I did guitar over them. Mary's Song is okay, except the guitar is a bit off it spots. Fearless I recorded the guitar part intro without a capo and then when I actually did it I put the capo on and it is a wierd random key change. Ignore that, please? Or jsut fast forward to the last minute or so....Thanks. :) Oh yeah, and I wasn't really dressed yet when I did these...so ignore the huge ugly tee. :)

Here they are:



If you watch, you must comment. Thanks.


Okay...so here's what's being going on in Allyworld.

My family finally got here. So I spent last weekend with them. And went to Ikea with my mom twice and built furniture and etc. So much fun. I said that already though in the last post.

And we From Tuesday to yesterday I was in Boston for my bestfriend Kate's graduation. :) I'm so proud of her. She amazes me. And we had so much fun and just hung out.

And we are the greatest fans in the world. Tuesday night was the CMT fan voted award show. And Taylor was nominated for Video of the Year and voting was open until the end of the show. So we were sitting with our laptops open eating Fluff and pretzels and voting everytime we said the letter T. And she won...of course.

UMMMMMM. I'm here alone. In NY until Monday. Ethan's mom is getting married. We're both in the wedding. He left yesterday morning and I leave then. I think I'll go see the family tomorrow. But I'm excited for the wedding. I love weddings...except my own. But whatever. And I'll be there in that shithole of southern california that I love so much for a week. I'm sorry to any califorians that read this, but I hate that place.

And then we, being me and Ethan are going to Maine for the month of July and begining of August. :D Hopefully getting random fun jobs there and just spending all our free time on the beach.

AND RAIN I EFFING HATE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems like it's been raining nonstop for the last two weeks. GRRR. I hate it so much. I want sun! It was sunny today but everything was wet and gross and blehhhhh.

Sorry for the long ramblingness. Bye.

I Just Call You Mine.

I fall apart
Just a word from you just somehow seems to fix
Whatever's wrong
Oh, you reach into the weakest moments
And remind me that I'm strong
You've got to know
I'd be a fool not to see you even worse
To forget that you're more than I deserve
Cause everyone who sees you
Always want's to know you
And everyone who knows you
Always have a smile
You're standing ovation after years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine
Nothing makes sense when you're not here
As if my whole world disappears
Without you what's the point of it
Cause everyone who sees you
Always want's to know you
And everyone who knows you
Always have a smile
You're the dream that I've been chasin' after years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine

I Just Call You Mine - Martina McBride, is my new favorite song. I just pasted in my favorite part. A whole mess of videos will be up next week. :)

So, this weekend, I want to say Friday, but it could have been Saturday, my family arrived. I was there waiting for them, with like 300 balloons everywhere and big posters along the driveway. The little kids were so excited about it. :)

And then I spent Sunday and Monday with my mom at Ikea. getting beds and room stuff for the kids. And today we also went to a furniture store to get couches and a dining room table. It was so much fun, just me and her.

Between myself, my dad, Cass, and Ethan we've got all the beds made so tonight everyone will be in their own bed. Which is exciting. We've got almost all the armoirs and dressers done. Bedside tables, bookshelves, etc, have to be done too.

Because tomorrow morning I drive to Boston until Thursday afternoon. :) My best friend Katie is graduating. I'm so proud of her. I really am. So tomorrow we'll be just chillin, then Wednesday afternoon she graduates and then that night we're going to an all night party thing. Which is exciting. Ahhh I'm so proud of her.

Saturday Night will be the one year anniversary of the night my best friend ever spent in her own bed, and the day in her own home. Hopitalized the following afternoon, she never left the hospital until she passed. I miss Kelli so much. We all have something amazing planned for the one year anniv. There will be a post that day too. I'm not telling what it is just now.

Anyway....being the insane person that I am, tomorrow night is the fanvoted CMT awards. :) and ofcourse, I'll be watching. I'm sure the people I want to win will win, as I'm the best/most dedicated/biggest fan of certain people/groups/duos currently exsisting in Country Music.

I wanna thank you, I thank you....

Okay, so up until about 3 weeks ago, I detested Keith Urban. Then I heard the song "Thank You" written about his alcohol addiction and Nicole Kidman and how she saved them.

I then compared this to last fall and summer when I was....well you know. And just the certain person in my life that, in a way did the same. And I was bawling my eyes out when I heard it, by mistake, and then I played it for him and he was like "wow." And now I'm going to learn it on guitar, and put that on here.

Which is why I apologize, because of the fact that I promised music, but I'm having issues getting it to work. In that case, sometime soon. :D

So tonight, I leave you all with the lyrics to this song. Enjoy. Read them and just think about it all.

There were nights where I was sure
I wouldn't see the morning sun
And there were days that seemed so dark
I couldn't wait for night to come
I couldn't stand to think about how
My life used to be
And how without a single warning
It all slipped away from me

Like a fool I thought I could fight
The shadows on my own
To the dark I was no stranger
But this was stronger than I'd known
And by the time I knew that
I was too deep I'd gone too far
And the light that used to guide me
Had faded from my heart
And I found myself in places I thought I'd never go
Surrounded by stangers I was so far away from home
And I don't know how you found me
All I know is I owe everything to you
Yes I do

And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
And I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
I'm seeing for the first time
The stars, the sun and moon
But they've got nothing on the power
Of this love I have for you
And I thank you, thank you

Now people say they'll never stand beside you
They swear they never leave
But when the rain started falling
You know it only fell on me
When all I felt was so much pain and guilt and shame
I couldn't even as for help
I don't know if I believe in other lives
But when you came
There was something so familar
About the way you said my name
And the whole world started turning
And I swear that I'd been born again brand new
And it's all because of you

And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
And I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
I'm seeing for the first time
The stars, the sun and moon
But they've got nothing on the power
Of this love I have for you
And I thank you, thank you


And I've seen so many things
That I just can't explain
But the miracle of miracles is how
With your love I was saved

And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
And I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
I'm seeing for the first time
The stars, the sun and moon
But they've got nothing on the power
Of this love I have for you
And I thank you, thank you


And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
The day I started breathing
Was the day you took my hand
And 'til the day I die
I'll forever be your man
And I thank you, I thank you
Yes, I thank you


Note, while with me I wasn't at all this extreme, but still something about it just hit home. It explained everything I've been trying to say....and I wrote a similar song, I'll post that below too, and that was how I was trying to say, but I think Keith did it better.

NM...I can't find it. But I know I wrote it down somewhere.....Anyway, I hope you love that song as much as I.

A present for you all tomorrow

from me. :)

Let's see, in the morning I have to go somewhere with Annika and then after I have the whole afternoon free. So, tonight, I learned new music for you all. *claps*

I will be doing tomorrow:
Fearless - def.
White Horse - possibly.
Tim McGraw - possibly.
You're not Sorry - def.
Breathe 2AM - def
Remembering Sunday - def.
Wonderwall - poss.
Hallelujah - poss.

There was more but my brain is lie sjaghoaiureghakkljgb right now...HAHA

***coughmorenacoughreadtwopostsbelowcough***

Oh, last night, I had a lovely chat with the long lost Taylor and she's requested, and I insist that we all do a little chat. Wednesday to Monday are good for her. And for me too. Well, Sunday isn't (KFEST-this upstate little thing...seeing Gaga and TingTings, YES!!! and seeing KATIE!!!!) But yeah...so we need to do this. Like REALLY REALLY REALLY need to do this.

Delirious Me

HAHA

So I have a fever and this whole insane upper body cold. I'm on hardcore antibiotics for it for the next 8 days. No human contact for 48 hours. Whatever...

Anyway...so this afternoon with me being all feverish I was delirious. I was sitting up on the couch staring at the wall and mutting stuff. And if Ethan asked me a question, I'd answer it, but make it about cupcakes and the tide or something. So random. Apparently, he videoed it on his cell and is saying he's gonna put it on youtube. Whatever. I want to see it first.

But yeah, this sickness is most likely caused from my last post's event. (IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ABOUT IT READ ABOUT IT!!!!! NOW!!!!!)

Umm but that's it. Goodnight!

Ummm

I forgot what I was going to say. Actually, I was going to post pictures, but I'd have to get up again and that's not happening. I'm too comfy. In 4 hours we fly home. I'm sitting by the window looking out at the London streets and it's been a great trip with some tragic moments. But it's okay, I'm okay. It'll all be okay - actually it is great. :D

So I'm inlove with Ireland. It is a beautiful country. I think I like it better than London. So yeah. I guess that's it for today. Good-early morning!

A Picture and My love for London

I LOVE LONDON!!!!!!!!!! Picture time: I took this from the top of the London Eye Ferris Wheel on my cell. Ignore the nasty blurriness. I love London....I said that already. I love pubs. I love the lovely red double decker busses. I love the happy nice nurses at the London Hospital (long story short, Ethan broke his arm...uncoordinated loser.) I love everything about this city. Gosh, it's amazing. I'm moving here someday. I found love in the form of a city.

AND I think I love it more than New York....though I could be just smitten. The only thing I don't like is that it is so much colder here than Greece.

I changed my blog url...which is why I think no one has found it in awhile, it is now http://www.allofallysthoughts.blogspot.com/

Anyway....today we're doing more sightseeing then it is off to DUBLIN. Land of the Gingers and Guiness. I really wanted to go ride the Hogwarts Express today (because you can) but Ethan was like "You need to get over this obsession and I'm not waisting my money on something that stupid and pointless." Which it is not...at all. HP is amazing. HAHA.

OOOOOOH! And when I get home, I'm gonna do a mini concert. I'm doing 2 originals and a few other songs that will all be surprises.

So I can't sleep.

What a long, great day. One of the best in a long time. It's almost Thursday here, and I leave in 6 hours to fly to London. HELL YEAH! I was there once for like a day, and it was so pretty and wonderful, what I saw of it - which was the bookstore where Mugglecast was on the night Book 7 came out, the airport, and a couple streets.

I'm awake and looking at the stars again. It's beautiful. Everyone and everything is beautiful. My left hand is a little bit heavier and I just feel like jumping up and down on my bed and dancing and screaming and laughing until I burst a rib.

Uh...what is there to do in London? That's what I'm doing now. We'll be there Thursday and Friday and part of Saturday, then we're going to Dublin until Monday, going back to London and flying home. I want to go home so badly.

I really want to go to a Pub...like a real pub. A nice traditional British pub. HAHA. I want to see the crown jewels. I want to go to the Flagship TopShop - I doubt Ethan will want to do that though. I really want to go on the Ferris Wheel. Oooh and the tower. I think that would be so neat. Yeah...and go the Guiness place in Dublin and get beer. I'm not a big beer person though....I will be this weekend I guess.

Hmmm, I guess I'll tell you about the lovely dress I borrowed from my distant cousin and neighbor. It had a v-neck front and back, all chiffon/light airy cotton, it hit at my ankles and had a braided belted empire waist. Beautiful. I gave it back to her though. I wore black sandals. I looked so good in it, espcailly the chest, but I said that in my last post.

Part of me felt really guilty about today because our parents weren't there and I'm so close to mine. Anyway...I'm gonna sketch for a bit and go back to sleep. I love you all, I really do. Thanks for everything you've all done for me this past year. It means so much.

This wasn't how I pictured today at all...

I'll make a list.


1-We were going to be in a field or something.
2-Our families were supposed to be there.
3-We weren't supposed to be spontaneous...if being drunk is spontaneous.
4-I was supposed to be wearing a good dress...(I did find one though. My neighbor was like "try my dress!" So I did and it's freaking beautiful)
5-I was supposed to be able to understand the priest.
6-Certain friends were supposed to be there.
7-In my head, I was older.
8-My dad thinks I'm pregnant and wants me to mail him a peestick. Which I don't think I am.....if I am, then I'll do certain actions that will leave me in jail and a certain someone in a box.




I think that's it. Two hours. Oooh...good things about today.


1-I look hot. HAHA. My boobs look so good in this dress. Is that bad that I'm calling myself hot?
2-Perfect freaking food. I love my uncles. :)
3-Ethan looks so -I was going to say "fuckable" but for some reason it didn't look right, but you get the idea- in light blue.
4-The fact that as much as I think this is all pointless, a formality on this point, I'm honestly kinda loving it.
5-The fact that, finally, something in my life is definate.


OH! So, Thursday we're leaving for London. We'll be there for a couple days, then we're going to Ireland. I've always wanted to go to the land of the Irish. Then it's home on Monday. I want to be in my city so bad it hurts.

As much as I can't stand Miley Cyrus....

I love her song "The Climb" but her man voice annoys me.

I'm really craving some Japanese food. Random. Ehhhh, that will have to wait.

And I've posted so much recently, but whatever. A week from today, I fly home. Actually, I fly to London first because of a layover....but then New York. I want to be in my own bed so badly.

Gossip Girl was really great. :) Anyway....I'm going to go crash for like 6 hours then hopefully find a dress. Well, I must find a dress as I couldn't find one yesterday. Grr. I'm trying a different town, maybe I'll have more luck there. :)

Rawr.

So, I'm sitting here in this loverly cushy chair drinking wine, talking to my sister Cassie, watching a really old Oprah that's badly dubbed in Greek and subtitled. I'm a good multitasker.

Hmm. I think I'm going to do another semi-all nighter and sleep for a bit now and wake up. I took a nap this afternoon. I woke up at three AM and sat awake and read then went for a run...which is quite difficult here because of all the steps. So I ended up walking up the steps and running laps around my uncles winery for a few hours. I love running..it is really exhilerating. It's so wonderful here at night, just looking at the lights and stars and moon. I tried taking a picture last night but it did work. I'm trying again now with my webcam...maybe that will work. Hmm...never mind it didn't. Oh well.

I think that's it right now. OH YEAH! Since it is the GossipGirl season finale, I found it streaming live online somewhere because knowing me I'd look it up and find out what happened and that would make me really really mad. So I'll be here at like 8ish EST, so I'll be here watching it and on AIM....if you should feeling chatting with me.

(651): Last night while we were having sex,

'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

I got really really really happy about 12 hours ago. That is a good thing, obviously. I was eating with my family and out of nowhere this redheaded, freckled face, lost looking, beautiful person comes wandering up the steps in aviators (why the hell was he wearing aviators? I personally hate them on everyone) and the sexiest freaking wonderful teeshirt that I don't ever remember buying for him - which made me happier. I buy all of Ethan's clothes...he has absolutley no fashion sense. I started buying them like a two years ago, when he showed up to school wearing red gym shorts, a green Celtic's tee, and brown Nikes. Sorry, but eww.

Gosh...that makes me so happy that he came all the way here, when he was due here next week. I think I'm gonna stay longer now, my mom and the kids go home Tuesday and my cousins are working/school full time, so I'm basically alone. I help in the restaurant, but sometimes my Greek isn't as fast as it needs to be.

Anyway, I practically lunged across the table and attacked him. My little sister, Katherine, ran behind me and wrapped herself around his leg. So cute. Anyway, now that I am not super alone, I am happier. Today it's church and we, my cousins Ethan and I, are going for a long walk and trying not to get lost this time. Wednesday, we took a walk and ended up in the middle of nowhere and had to ask this deaf guy for directions. Not fun.

I really want it to rain, but I'm rambling. So bye for now.

Siedo in un aeroporto, e annoiato.

Okay, so I'm sitting in the airport and it is 6:30 and I'm waiting for our plane. We've been sitting here for about a half hour. It is always good to get to airports early. Espcially with kids. Who are running in circles by the windows where we are sitting and waiting and watching the planes. We should be leaving in about a half hour. Lovely long flight too. Its like 11 hours to Paris, then a little layover and a three hour flight to Rome. With the time change we land in Rome at like, 2 in the afternoon. That's wierd to me.

So I'm going to be getting a lot of sleep, depending on the awakness of the kids. Two five year old girls, Isabella and Katherine, and three year old and one year old boys, George and Guytano.

Damnitydamnfreakingcrap. I just spilled lovely hot cocoa all over my dress. Lovely.

Oh, yeah....I FINALLY got a better guitar. Not the one I wanted, but it is a Fender. It is black and beautiful. It is sitting next to me....in the case obviously.

Anyway, I can garuntee, that I'll be alone in the land of white houses and blue skies aka Santorini, I'll be online a lot. HAHA

Arrivederci!

Arrivederci, Chitarre, e Viaggiare

Well, I made a video for you all this afternoon, me talking in Italian and rambling on then playing Fearless in Italian. But youtube is being a little bitch. Which was annoying because the syllables are different, I'll show you.

I don't know how it gets better than this
Non so come prende migliore di questo
You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless.
lei porta la mia mano e mi trascina dirige primo intrepido
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
E non soperché ma con lei ballerei.
In a storm, in my best dress, fearless.
In una tempesta nel mio migliore vestito intrepido.

So the phrasing is off, so it was a pain to learn but I did it. And I'm proud of myself. :)

Well.....I'm excited. For a lot of things. Tomorrow is my last day ever at NYU. Last day of finals. I feel....I don't know. Indifferent, would be the word. I have English 102 and Calculus finals and I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Tomorrow afternoon my mommy and my baby brother and my 5 year old twin sisters and my 2 year old brother arrive. Then Friday night we take a red eye to Roma. From there we are going to see my family until Tuesday, then flying to Santorini. For a month. :)

Well, I am happy because I'm going home to the bestest place on earth. But sad because my grandmother is very ill. Which is sad because I lurrrrrrve her. Basically, its like practicaly final that it is the last time she'll get sick. That's why my mom is going. And bringing the babies so my dad has less to deal with. But they'll come possibly once everything is, well, final. And she's gone.

And....if you've seen my recent twitters, I've ranted on about guitars. I'm getting a new guitar. *does little dance* My parents are paying for half, they'll pay up to 500 dollars, so that means my range is bigger. I speant two hours today looking and playing to make a decision. I want this one.

http://www.taylorguitars.com/Guitars/Acoustic/Koa/

I'm inlove. I held it today and it is beautiful and sounds amazing and the only thing stopping me is the price. Since I've learned guitar, everytime I see Taylor Swift with it I get envious. It is beautiful. But it is also 3 thousand over budget. Grr....

My other choice right now is a Fender. But it isn't pretty like the Taylor ones. There are cheaper Taylors but they aren't pretty like the Koas.

Anyway...you all know my email if you need me (my aim/twitter/youtube @aol.com) I'll be blogging and online occasionally, depending on what's happening in the world.

Arrivderci Bellas!

I love you for giving me your eyes...

Inspired by this:


WATCH THE VIDEO IT IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE.

I'm making a photocollage video for my mom to me singing this song for mother's day with pictures of me and my brothers and sisters. Last time I made one of these it refused to upload here, but I'll try again. I'm either mailing it to her, doing it over one of our videochats or possibly seeing her in person because of certain...things. I'll got there later.

This post is about my mom. How she has always been there for me, for everyone of us. She treats us all equally, like there isn't a "prize child" and she'll try to do special things for each of us. Which is amazing that she even can because of the little ones. I'm going to tell a story that I think of everytime I hear this song, if you don't know what song it is by now becuase you are not listening/watching, it is The Best Day by Taylor Swift. Here is the story:

I must have been like 9 or 10 and I had come home from school mad because I was different than the other kids. Different in appearance: I had the body of a 6 year old, I had insane hair - much like Taylor's in the video except darker and poofer and tight little ringlets and just horrible. I need to find a picture to scan in from then to show you all, because it is so freaking funny. But what I was most bothered by was my eyes. My eyes, as a child were really light (light as in shade) greenish-blue. Really pretty, but they've got progressively more hazel mixed with brown as I've got older. I was mad because a girl, who is now one of my best friends - Kate, made fun of them because no one had those eyes. She called me a freak and an alien and honestly, looking back it is so insanely funny to me.

I think my eyes, after my hips, are my best feature and to think that I came home in tears about it becuase everyone else had one-color darker (as in shade) eyes. My mom sat me on the kitchen counter, looked me in the eyes and told me that my eyes are special. They are the eyes of my grandmother and that, out of all her grandchildren and children only 5 others have had those eyes and how she wished she had them. She told me I am lucky and that what other's think are my flaws are probably my best features. That was the moment I became proud of my nationality, my heritage.

I'm so happy to have these eyes now, so thanks you Nani for giving me your eyes. Being the grandma with the house open to me any time, letting me sneak in, and always being there. Thank you Mom, for always being there and helping me through my problems, for actually being the carrier of the great-eye gene. I love you.

Nani, my Greek grandmother, is getting pretty ill. She's really old, and her time may be coming soon. That'll be a hard one for me if it happens, so that's why I'm leaving next weekend to go to Greece with Ethan and possibly my mom and the non-school aged kidlets. I think it is pretty necessary, so I'm trying to work Nani into my video. I promise to post it if it'll let me.

Have a good week everyone, it's Saturday night and I've been laying on my couch taking a break from studying, eating HaagenDaaz with Ethan and trying to fall asleep so I can sleep in tomorrow. Finals next week are going to kill me. Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday and I am free. :) Wish me luck!

Post #157

Oh, my, gosh. That's a lot of posts.

Anyway, I'm just putting this here tonight to let everyone know that I'm going to me MIA until next weekend, the 10th or something.

This week is major cram week, the weekend is cramming, and all next week is finals. Lovely.

Ehh, it could be worse. But incase no one hears from me, that's where I am.

I like a 15 page paper due on Thursday, a brain chart of emotions - wtf? Phsycology I hate you, a paper (a little one) on an influential women in American history and some other shit. My brain feels like its going to implode from all the information swirling around inside of it.

And it is also the perfect time in my life to get sick. I'm freaking out about this swine flu thing. I am like, the biggest germaphob and now is the worst time for this to happen. I'm walking around with a scarf around my head in 80 degree weather and gloves on my hands. I refuse to take the subway or a cab. I'm riding my bike over 30 blocks every day, or driving - which is impossible. I don't touch anyone, or anything other than my own stuff. I take a shower as soon as I get home, I don't go to the gym now, or for food. My study sessions in the park are over, and I'm making Ethan shower the minute he gets home. I'm such a freak, but I can't get sick right now. I hate getting sick and I really just can let this happen to me now.

Well, that's my OCD, rant and etc for the day. Now you guys know how much of a freak I am.

the birthday for the girl who will never get another birthday.

Wherever you are
You'd be 18 today
The sun shines a little less bright
I still love you more than anything
Wherever you are
You'll never get that chance to vote
Buy a cigarette - like you even would
Wherever you are
Happy Birthday Kelli Anna
Wherever you are
Know that I miss you
We all do
Wherever you are
I hope you miss us too.



A little poem thing I wrote in like two minutes. I might expand on it. It's not very good.


I was just sitting here reflecting on this time last year and how insane everything was. When Kelli turned 17, she knew it would most likely be the last birthday. And she celebrated with a huge smile on her face and like the sun was coming out her eyeballs. It was amazing. She was so brave and stronger than I can't even imagine being. She was an inspiration to everyone, her smiling gave a feeling of hope.

Part of me feels like I'm imagining this all in my head, that Kelli was Kelli, and the sunshine feelings and such were all created in my head afer she was gone. But I like them, so they'll stay.

So tomorrow a few of us are spending the day Kelli style. We're going to dance at a friend's studio in the morning, visit the cancer wing at her hospital - the one where she got all her treatments, eat at her favorite restaurant, and at night we'll see a play. I'm so excited. It won't be a day of sadness, but of happiness. And we only have her to thank for it.

If Kelli didn't get sick, I would have never came back to NYC. I love it here, and I absolutley detest California. I got accpeted to colleges around the northeast, maybe some would have been better for me, but her getting sick gave me the city, so I'd be here incase of anything happening. And it happened too soon. If she never got sick again, my life could have been completely different and I wonder what it would be like. I can't really picture it in my head. Does this make me sound like I'm happy that she's gone? Because I definatly am not, at all. Words can't describe how much I miss her.


I just wish that somehow, there would be a way for all kids to never die. And that no bad things could ever happen to them. Ever. Children are angels, and without them the world would be doom-and-gloom. That is my one wish for God, that no child will ever die, or be abused, or get a life-time illness, or just anything that damages their being.

Anyway: Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday my bestest friend in the whole wide world. I love you always. I can't wait to see you again someday.

hmmm i was going to ramble about something

but i totally forget what it was.

eh brain fart.

i made cupcakes today. they're dark chocolate and amazing.

and i've noticed that all the nice muscle, and wieghtloss and toning i've been doing is kinda going away. i need to make better use of the gym again. wahhhhh.

and hmmmm it's kelli's birthday friday. meaning, she would have been 18. so we've planned a little party for her. well, not for her....you know what i mean.

and hmmm...idk. i'm going through this random harry potter phase. it'll probably last for a long time....until the movie comes out. i'm rereading them and i'm excited. i tried to accio my water glass to me today. tobie said taht's something i shouldn't tell people....i'm a freak.

OH! I remember noW!!!!!
My summer plans are a roadtrip. July and early August through the US and Canada and maybe Mexico depending on its whole drug situation then....with like 8 of some of the best people. we're buying a jon&kate plus 8 van and driving that...i'm so excited. :)

i guess that's it. i'm going to bed now. goodnight. :)