ahh, life.

I've spent about one wonderfully amazing month here in Maine. From the 2 minute walk to the ocean and the sound of waves out my window when I sleep to the endless icecream possibilities. Everything has been so great. I'm sad to leave on Tuesday night.

We've spent the last week with some friends and every second there has been laughter, smiles, fighting over wether to watch Shark Week or What Not To Wear, and just everything has been so great. I've honestly never been happier. And I love to say that and I love to feel it.

And the best part is, I love that it shows. I don't have to force or fake anything anymore. And that makes other people happy too. Like Katie, she's had so many issues in this last year that I wouldn't have been able to handle, but today on the beach she just put her chin on my shoulder and her arm around me and said "I'm happy to have my best friend back." And that made me cry, because I spent a good three or four months of my life wasted and I regret that deeply.

I'm stopping now because I'm gonna take a walk with my girlies (Tobie -Ethan's sister/bestfriend, Katie (bestestfriendever), and Annika (bestfriendmadeatNYU)). Walks on the beach at night are the best becasue you find the best shells and its empty and it is beautiful. Look at the moon. It's stunning.

I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
And now the rain is washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world
I'm so many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
And towering over your head
-Remembering Sunday by All Time Low

This will be my next full cover for youtube. :)

Um. So I think that at this point I'm going to keep this blog, because I've put so much on here, I'm keeping twitter and aim becuase even though I could make a new SN and not tell all of you, I'm not going to because it would be a pain in the ass to tell my highschool, college, family, and other random friends my new screenname.

Want to know something insane? This morning I logged onto aim and Kelli was on...not even joking. And I didn't get sad. I was more or less in shock on how someone could be on HER screename....

Anyway...this past week was so great....but so much happeneded. I pulled 3 all nighters. I went to a wedding. I was in that wedding...and efff the memory card I lost has all the pictures from it on there...UGH. But I will find it, it's somewhere around here.

So let's see. I'm excited for summer. Because summer will be here with the start of July. Monday the 6th Ethan and I leave for Maine to stay at his family's house until middle August. I'm hoping to find a job there....something part time and fun. Hopefully.

And then I start college in my house in Poughkeepsie. And I'm excited for that. In my two bedroom, one bathroom house with a little kitchen and a backyard big enough for manhunt. :D I'm excited because Katie is going to college across the river so we can see eachother all the time!

Speaking of Katie...she's been asleep next to me for the last 5 hours. HAHA. I woke her up at 7 this morning to run with me and she was out partying until 3:30 AM, came here and showered then slept. So really, she hates me for waking her up. But she'll do the same tommorrow morning.

We start blowing up 500 pink balloons tomorrow for our July 1st Kelli thing. Are balloons littering? I don't know.

Uhhh.....I think that's it. Oh. I want to talk about me. And myself. And just this past year in general. First of all, I couldn't have done it without you guys. Really, thank you and I love you all so much. And in a way, this was the best year of my life, but also the most painful. I've learned so much in this last year. About myself...like I'm strong. And I can get through anything. About the world and that it's cruel, and at the same time a wonderful place. This past year I was lucky enough to travel, across America and then home to the place of my birth and to Italy. I was lucky enough to not only see my favorite bands/artists play live, but I got to meet Taylor Swift. I lost a friend, but a gained more. I discovered that I have talents I didn't think possible or that I had. I learned about everything.

And with this comes changes. I've changed myself. I got the body I had when I was 16 back. (YES!) That awful haircut grew out and now I have the hair that I was born with. My eyes are changing, they're now hazelish. I'm a good 3 inches taller...bringing me to 5foot6inches. I changed inside also, I'm more confident in who I am. I love myself. I love my life. And I could not ask for more.

Random Kelli/Death Epiphany:
People die. People have to die. It's natural. She just happened faster than the rest of us. She knew what she wanted and lived how she wanted to live. Like we all try to do. We are all gonna die, and when we die, sure, people will be sad. But we should be happy that we knew that person and we honored to have met them. We should celebrate the things they accomplished. Death should not be sad, death should be happy...a celebration of life.

I think the reason I got so depressed was because I can't let go of things, mainly people. And I was almost selfish for wanting her there with me alive again. But she was my best friend...closer to me than Ethan if that is possible...and I'm going to miss her no matter what. I miss my mom when I don't see her, I miss my cousins in Europe, I misss people I don't see very often...but I'll see them again, just like I'll see Kelli again...and that's perfectly okay with me. I know that and I look forward to death when I'm like 100 years old. The one thing I do hope for when I die is that my kids, if I have any, Ethan, if he's still in my life, and my grandkids, if I have any all die after me. I don't think I'd be able to handle that.

Wow that was long. And it's now MONDAY. I better go sleep. Goodnight world. :)

Take me back to the time when you took my hand & dragged my head first, fearless

Two new videos, Mary's Song (which is okay) and Fearless (which I screwed up...). Umm once again I am still sick....3 days of antibiotics left. YAY!!! Um. So in both I recorded the singing first, then I did guitar over them. Mary's Song is okay, except the guitar is a bit off it spots. Fearless I recorded the guitar part intro without a capo and then when I actually did it I put the capo on and it is a wierd random key change. Ignore that, please? Or jsut fast forward to the last minute or so....Thanks. :) Oh yeah, and I wasn't really dressed yet when I did these...so ignore the huge ugly tee. :)

Here they are:



If you watch, you must comment. Thanks.


Okay...so here's what's being going on in Allyworld.

My family finally got here. So I spent last weekend with them. And went to Ikea with my mom twice and built furniture and etc. So much fun. I said that already though in the last post.

And we From Tuesday to yesterday I was in Boston for my bestfriend Kate's graduation. :) I'm so proud of her. She amazes me. And we had so much fun and just hung out.

And we are the greatest fans in the world. Tuesday night was the CMT fan voted award show. And Taylor was nominated for Video of the Year and voting was open until the end of the show. So we were sitting with our laptops open eating Fluff and pretzels and voting everytime we said the letter T. And she won...of course.

UMMMMMM. I'm here alone. In NY until Monday. Ethan's mom is getting married. We're both in the wedding. He left yesterday morning and I leave then. I think I'll go see the family tomorrow. But I'm excited for the wedding. I love weddings...except my own. But whatever. And I'll be there in that shithole of southern california that I love so much for a week. I'm sorry to any califorians that read this, but I hate that place.

And then we, being me and Ethan are going to Maine for the month of July and begining of August. :D Hopefully getting random fun jobs there and just spending all our free time on the beach.

AND RAIN I EFFING HATE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems like it's been raining nonstop for the last two weeks. GRRR. I hate it so much. I want sun! It was sunny today but everything was wet and gross and blehhhhh.

Sorry for the long ramblingness. Bye.

I wanna thank you, I thank you....

Okay, so up until about 3 weeks ago, I detested Keith Urban. Then I heard the song "Thank You" written about his alcohol addiction and Nicole Kidman and how she saved them.

I then compared this to last fall and summer when I was....well you know. And just the certain person in my life that, in a way did the same. And I was bawling my eyes out when I heard it, by mistake, and then I played it for him and he was like "wow." And now I'm going to learn it on guitar, and put that on here.

Which is why I apologize, because of the fact that I promised music, but I'm having issues getting it to work. In that case, sometime soon. :D

So tonight, I leave you all with the lyrics to this song. Enjoy. Read them and just think about it all.

There were nights where I was sure
I wouldn't see the morning sun
And there were days that seemed so dark
I couldn't wait for night to come
I couldn't stand to think about how
My life used to be
And how without a single warning
It all slipped away from me

Like a fool I thought I could fight
The shadows on my own
To the dark I was no stranger
But this was stronger than I'd known
And by the time I knew that
I was too deep I'd gone too far
And the light that used to guide me
Had faded from my heart
And I found myself in places I thought I'd never go
Surrounded by stangers I was so far away from home
And I don't know how you found me
All I know is I owe everything to you
Yes I do

And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
And I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
I'm seeing for the first time
The stars, the sun and moon
But they've got nothing on the power
Of this love I have for you
And I thank you, thank you

Now people say they'll never stand beside you
They swear they never leave
But when the rain started falling
You know it only fell on me
When all I felt was so much pain and guilt and shame
I couldn't even as for help
I don't know if I believe in other lives
But when you came
There was something so familar
About the way you said my name
And the whole world started turning
And I swear that I'd been born again brand new
And it's all because of you

And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
And I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
I'm seeing for the first time
The stars, the sun and moon
But they've got nothing on the power
Of this love I have for you
And I thank you, thank you


And I've seen so many things
That I just can't explain
But the miracle of miracles is how
With your love I was saved

And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
And I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
I'm seeing for the first time
The stars, the sun and moon
But they've got nothing on the power
Of this love I have for you
And I thank you, thank you


And I thank you for my heart
I thank you for my life
I thank god for grace and mercy
And that you became my wife
The day I started breathing
Was the day you took my hand
And 'til the day I die
I'll forever be your man
And I thank you, I thank you
Yes, I thank you


Note, while with me I wasn't at all this extreme, but still something about it just hit home. It explained everything I've been trying to say....and I wrote a similar song, I'll post that below too, and that was how I was trying to say, but I think Keith did it better.

NM...I can't find it. But I know I wrote it down somewhere.....Anyway, I hope you love that song as much as I.

A Picture and My love for London

I LOVE LONDON!!!!!!!!!! Picture time: I took this from the top of the London Eye Ferris Wheel on my cell. Ignore the nasty blurriness. I love London....I said that already. I love pubs. I love the lovely red double decker busses. I love the happy nice nurses at the London Hospital (long story short, Ethan broke his arm...uncoordinated loser.) I love everything about this city. Gosh, it's amazing. I'm moving here someday. I found love in the form of a city.

AND I think I love it more than New York....though I could be just smitten. The only thing I don't like is that it is so much colder here than Greece.

I changed my blog url...which is why I think no one has found it in awhile, it is now http://www.allofallysthoughts.blogspot.com/

Anyway....today we're doing more sightseeing then it is off to DUBLIN. Land of the Gingers and Guiness. I really wanted to go ride the Hogwarts Express today (because you can) but Ethan was like "You need to get over this obsession and I'm not waisting my money on something that stupid and pointless." Which it is not...at all. HP is amazing. HAHA.

OOOOOOH! And when I get home, I'm gonna do a mini concert. I'm doing 2 originals and a few other songs that will all be surprises.

So I can't sleep.

What a long, great day. One of the best in a long time. It's almost Thursday here, and I leave in 6 hours to fly to London. HELL YEAH! I was there once for like a day, and it was so pretty and wonderful, what I saw of it - which was the bookstore where Mugglecast was on the night Book 7 came out, the airport, and a couple streets.

I'm awake and looking at the stars again. It's beautiful. Everyone and everything is beautiful. My left hand is a little bit heavier and I just feel like jumping up and down on my bed and dancing and screaming and laughing until I burst a rib.

Uh...what is there to do in London? That's what I'm doing now. We'll be there Thursday and Friday and part of Saturday, then we're going to Dublin until Monday, going back to London and flying home. I want to go home so badly.

I really want to go to a Pub...like a real pub. A nice traditional British pub. HAHA. I want to see the crown jewels. I want to go to the Flagship TopShop - I doubt Ethan will want to do that though. I really want to go on the Ferris Wheel. Oooh and the tower. I think that would be so neat. Yeah...and go the Guiness place in Dublin and get beer. I'm not a big beer person though....I will be this weekend I guess.

Hmmm, I guess I'll tell you about the lovely dress I borrowed from my distant cousin and neighbor. It had a v-neck front and back, all chiffon/light airy cotton, it hit at my ankles and had a braided belted empire waist. Beautiful. I gave it back to her though. I wore black sandals. I looked so good in it, espcailly the chest, but I said that in my last post.

Part of me felt really guilty about today because our parents weren't there and I'm so close to mine. Anyway...I'm gonna sketch for a bit and go back to sleep. I love you all, I really do. Thanks for everything you've all done for me this past year. It means so much.

This wasn't how I pictured today at all...

I'll make a list.


1-We were going to be in a field or something.
2-Our families were supposed to be there.
3-We weren't supposed to be spontaneous...if being drunk is spontaneous.
4-I was supposed to be wearing a good dress...(I did find one though. My neighbor was like "try my dress!" So I did and it's freaking beautiful)
5-I was supposed to be able to understand the priest.
6-Certain friends were supposed to be there.
7-In my head, I was older.
8-My dad thinks I'm pregnant and wants me to mail him a peestick. Which I don't think I am.....if I am, then I'll do certain actions that will leave me in jail and a certain someone in a box.




I think that's it. Two hours. Oooh...good things about today.


1-I look hot. HAHA. My boobs look so good in this dress. Is that bad that I'm calling myself hot?
2-Perfect freaking food. I love my uncles. :)
3-Ethan looks so -I was going to say "fuckable" but for some reason it didn't look right, but you get the idea- in light blue.
4-The fact that as much as I think this is all pointless, a formality on this point, I'm honestly kinda loving it.
5-The fact that, finally, something in my life is definate.


OH! So, Thursday we're leaving for London. We'll be there for a couple days, then we're going to Ireland. I've always wanted to go to the land of the Irish. Then it's home on Monday. I want to be in my city so bad it hurts.

Wedding.

So don't freak out completely. Wednesday afternoon I'm getting married. It's all very sudden, but honestly, it's kind of like we already are in ways. So, anyway...basically it all was decided over a bottle of wine, the recent tragic death of our friend and the fact that I was like "I want to get married here" and Ethan was like "Well, why the hell not?"

But honestly, it's inevitable. Think what you want....

One way Two say, Three words Four you....I love you.

Listening to the Plain White Tee's. I can do that on guitar. When I get back to NY, or soon idk which, but I promise a mini concert. I'll make a list of songs I can do and you all can pick them.

Anyway, recent events that I'm not going into right now, have taught me to just appreciate life. Do not take ANYTHING for granted. Love the people you hate, because of their flaws. Smile at everyone. Let everyone into your life no matter what they've done in their past that is a bit dodgy. Be a person that is positive for the world. Every second wasted is a moment lost.

Actually, I'll tell you. I got an email last night from a mutual friend from highschool. A boy that was friends with everyone killed himself last Friday. I found out almost a week later, I would have gone out to the service for him if I knew. He was amazing and always had a smile and nothing was ever wrong with him to my knowledge. It is just odd to me that someone that was just the light and laughter of the school do that.

What I just been thinking about all day is maybe I could have done something to prevent it, anyone could have. Maybe just being there for him. No one really knew that there was anything wrong. That scares me. Are we all just too oblivious?

This all goes back to the header for this, yeah, it's a love song, but if we all just said "I love you" to someone everyday....who knows what could happen?

Anyway...think about it. I'm leaving Greece earlier than I planned, I was staying until June 12th originally, but I'm going home on Monday. I love it here, but I just need America right now. I need to be closer to my family, my friends, etc.

Oh yeah, I accidently put a hole through my new guitar. Not good. I was fumbling around in the dark and stepped on it....oops. Guess its back to the crapper.

Arrivederci, Chitarre, e Viaggiare

Well, I made a video for you all this afternoon, me talking in Italian and rambling on then playing Fearless in Italian. But youtube is being a little bitch. Which was annoying because the syllables are different, I'll show you.

I don't know how it gets better than this
Non so come prende migliore di questo
You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless.
lei porta la mia mano e mi trascina dirige primo intrepido
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
E non soperché ma con lei ballerei.
In a storm, in my best dress, fearless.
In una tempesta nel mio migliore vestito intrepido.

So the phrasing is off, so it was a pain to learn but I did it. And I'm proud of myself. :)

Well.....I'm excited. For a lot of things. Tomorrow is my last day ever at NYU. Last day of finals. I feel....I don't know. Indifferent, would be the word. I have English 102 and Calculus finals and I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Tomorrow afternoon my mommy and my baby brother and my 5 year old twin sisters and my 2 year old brother arrive. Then Friday night we take a red eye to Roma. From there we are going to see my family until Tuesday, then flying to Santorini. For a month. :)

Well, I am happy because I'm going home to the bestest place on earth. But sad because my grandmother is very ill. Which is sad because I lurrrrrrve her. Basically, its like practicaly final that it is the last time she'll get sick. That's why my mom is going. And bringing the babies so my dad has less to deal with. But they'll come possibly once everything is, well, final. And she's gone.

And....if you've seen my recent twitters, I've ranted on about guitars. I'm getting a new guitar. *does little dance* My parents are paying for half, they'll pay up to 500 dollars, so that means my range is bigger. I speant two hours today looking and playing to make a decision. I want this one.

http://www.taylorguitars.com/Guitars/Acoustic/Koa/

I'm inlove. I held it today and it is beautiful and sounds amazing and the only thing stopping me is the price. Since I've learned guitar, everytime I see Taylor Swift with it I get envious. It is beautiful. But it is also 3 thousand over budget. Grr....

My other choice right now is a Fender. But it isn't pretty like the Taylor ones. There are cheaper Taylors but they aren't pretty like the Koas.

Anyway...you all know my email if you need me (my aim/twitter/youtube @aol.com) I'll be blogging and online occasionally, depending on what's happening in the world.

Arrivderci Bellas!

I love you for giving me your eyes...

Inspired by this:


WATCH THE VIDEO IT IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE.

I'm making a photocollage video for my mom to me singing this song for mother's day with pictures of me and my brothers and sisters. Last time I made one of these it refused to upload here, but I'll try again. I'm either mailing it to her, doing it over one of our videochats or possibly seeing her in person because of certain...things. I'll got there later.

This post is about my mom. How she has always been there for me, for everyone of us. She treats us all equally, like there isn't a "prize child" and she'll try to do special things for each of us. Which is amazing that she even can because of the little ones. I'm going to tell a story that I think of everytime I hear this song, if you don't know what song it is by now becuase you are not listening/watching, it is The Best Day by Taylor Swift. Here is the story:

I must have been like 9 or 10 and I had come home from school mad because I was different than the other kids. Different in appearance: I had the body of a 6 year old, I had insane hair - much like Taylor's in the video except darker and poofer and tight little ringlets and just horrible. I need to find a picture to scan in from then to show you all, because it is so freaking funny. But what I was most bothered by was my eyes. My eyes, as a child were really light (light as in shade) greenish-blue. Really pretty, but they've got progressively more hazel mixed with brown as I've got older. I was mad because a girl, who is now one of my best friends - Kate, made fun of them because no one had those eyes. She called me a freak and an alien and honestly, looking back it is so insanely funny to me.

I think my eyes, after my hips, are my best feature and to think that I came home in tears about it becuase everyone else had one-color darker (as in shade) eyes. My mom sat me on the kitchen counter, looked me in the eyes and told me that my eyes are special. They are the eyes of my grandmother and that, out of all her grandchildren and children only 5 others have had those eyes and how she wished she had them. She told me I am lucky and that what other's think are my flaws are probably my best features. That was the moment I became proud of my nationality, my heritage.

I'm so happy to have these eyes now, so thanks you Nani for giving me your eyes. Being the grandma with the house open to me any time, letting me sneak in, and always being there. Thank you Mom, for always being there and helping me through my problems, for actually being the carrier of the great-eye gene. I love you.

Nani, my Greek grandmother, is getting pretty ill. She's really old, and her time may be coming soon. That'll be a hard one for me if it happens, so that's why I'm leaving next weekend to go to Greece with Ethan and possibly my mom and the non-school aged kidlets. I think it is pretty necessary, so I'm trying to work Nani into my video. I promise to post it if it'll let me.

Have a good week everyone, it's Saturday night and I've been laying on my couch taking a break from studying, eating HaagenDaaz with Ethan and trying to fall asleep so I can sleep in tomorrow. Finals next week are going to kill me. Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday and I am free. :) Wish me luck!

MAIIIIIIIIIIIINE

So this weekend, I went to Maine with one of the best people in the whole entire world and my bestfriendpracticallysisterwhoInevergettoseeanddesperatlyneededgirltime: Kate. :)

Let's see, we stayed at Ethan's family's cottageyhouse like 2 minutes walking to the beach. I love that house. :) And we got there Friday night and went to the movies and saw 17 Again...it was goodish. And we ate like 2 lobsters each and stayed up until 2am talking and dancing and it was amazing. Then Saturday we went to the beach and being offseason, it was deserted, so we sat there and sunbathed and I have a slight tan (the highest it got was 55 degrees...eww) and I put my toes in the water and they turned purple. And we shopped and such. It was a great weekend.

What I love the most about Kate is that she's just postive, no matter what. Like we were talking about Kelli and everything was positive. We were talking about the situation with her mother and it was postive (I have no idea how that could be) and that girl is all smiles and that makes me love her even more. I miss her already....Boston is too far away. :( And the fact that she's stronger than I'll ever be, physically, mentally, etc, is so great to. She's had a lot of issues in her life, and has delt with them wonderfully. It amazes me. It really does.

I got home like...4 hours ago and sat outside our apartment for about an hour because I lost my keys (I realize now I left them with the car rental people in Boston - they're mailing them to me) and so I called Idiot, I mean, Ethan's phone, and it was off. So I called the landline...straight to answer machine. I kept calling and knocking, just incase. Then I found the spare key and broke in and walked in to Ethan sitting on the couch in the dark with the tv blaring with Halo in his pajamas with a dirty shirt (he doesn't shower unless he has to do something, letting us all suffer. It's disgusting.) And he was like "oh, you're home." And then I kicked him and yelled at him for not having his phone on....and not hearing the machine. Ehh, that was funnier in my head. But yeah, he pissed me off.

But it was great to have a girls weekend but I'm glad to be home. This is the 3rd weekend in a row I haven't been home and I'm staying here for a long time. Finals are soon, and I was accepted into a college in upstate NY that I think I want to try out. It'll be a music/English/writing dual major. So I have to go there to visit for the accepted students weekend, and then it'll be there in the fall. I'm excited for this change. This is is some sacrifices on the relationship stuff, but that's okay. It's necessary. I think.

Anyway, picture post soon. We must have taken 1000+ pictures this weekend. I just want to edit/look at them all first. Sorry for two long posts in a row. :)

Happy Easter

I had a picture to put up...but I can't find my camera. I'm home! (for the weekend) And I really hate sleeping on the couch because they've turned my old room into my sister Cass's bedroom. Grrr.

Anyway, today was nice. Got up for sunrise service with Ethan, came home, did the whole "Oh look the Easter Bunny came" thing. (We filled and hid 200 eggs.) Ate a ton of candy. I love peeps. :) And then we went to regular Mass. It was a long morning. Then I fell asleep on the couch with my favorite 2 year old. Then my mommy made a really great dinner-lunchy thing of lamb, lasagna, and turkey. We had Ouza. Ouza is amazing. It's basically this Greek version of champagne, but you do it in shots and its really strong, very fruity and wonderful.

Then I fell asleep again. And we decorated cupcakes. Which we just ate.

Last night we did eggs. My hands will be stained for a long time. What a fiasco. NEVER let you kids dye egss. SUCH a HORRIBLE thing to put us older people through. Ugh.

Friday night, my whole family went out for dinner, which never happens, because there is so many of us and it'll be expensive and just insane with the kiddies. And I saw the Hannah Montana movie with my sisters, meaning they forced me to take them and I paid. They also got more candy, popcorn, and soda than any normal person could eat. And I have to say, the movie wasn't that bad. It WAS painful, but not that bad.

And I almost got killed this morning turning into my driveway. Idiot drivers. Like they stopped INCHES from my rental car without insurance. Because no one really needs that. GET IT!

So I guess that's it. I'm online because I'm so bored and the older kids have already locked themselves in their rooms and the younger kids are passed out from a sugar high. On me. With their grubby little fingers.

Epiphany: This weekend has proven to me that I really don't ever want kids. Happy Easter!

My favorite spring fashion trend...

4 Ways To Wear - by the_wanderer on Polyvore.com

I have a strange addiction to these things. The ones pictured are from American Eagle and I've bought all 5(?) colors because I love them that much. I'm wearing some now..and its really cold out.

Seriously...this bipolar weather pisses me off. When I left for California it was a sunny 61 degrees. I get back and its 43 and rainy. Actually, I lie, its not raining anymore, but its still cloudy and kinda windy. California, minus the reason I had to go there, was amazing. I spent time with my family yesterday and I've missed those kids so much. We made homemade pasta. Yum.

Ummmm let's see, I'm really bored and have an essay to write. I'm watching Cycle 7 of ANTM and trying not to fall asleep. I really want to buy a better guitar too. Mine's kinda crappy. My cello is also out of tune and that pisses me off. I can't find my tuner pitch thing anywhere. Anyway, I have a few videos for you guys that will be up soon. I promise. :) Oh - how would you guys feel about me doing a song in Greek or Italian...I've figured out "Fearless" in Greek. It's a bit different because the phrases are longer than English.

My new favorite song is "Love is Gone" by The Script. Go check it out. Its pretty awesome. Well, toodles. I'm gonna go attempt to get this essay thing done. Immigration during the 19th Century and how it affected the Reconstruction in the Post-Civil War era.

Thrilling.

The last two days.

Friday morning when me and Ethan were playing Halo (I was kicking his ass btw) we got a phone call from my mother saying she was at the hospital. My head immediately raced to the kids...which one fell? What happened? Were they fighting, playing, car accident? But it wasn't any of them...it was Ethan's mom.

She had a heart attack. Lucky enough, she never takes her phone out of her pocket, and dialed my house. My mom called the ambulance and was brought to the hospital. From there, they brought her to LA (where I am now). She's not overweight and she's the healthiest eater I know. She's a smoker and that's what brought this on.

Don't smoke, ever. Please? I've seen it do terrible things to so many people.

She's okay. She had bypass surgery and the doctor said everything will heal great. But it scared

us. Scared us all....this was completely preventable.

And I've learned I suck at comforting people. It is a tad bit awkward, but now I know how he felt all last summer with me.

I figured I'd let you all know. I'm probably heading up home tomorrow to see my family and then I leave again Monday. I'm so sick of flying/traveling. I spend way to much time off the ground. Never a dull moment.

The constant sun

I was going to put a poem I wrote up here, but would much rather stay here in my bed before getting up. I set my alarm for 6 so I'd have time to get ready before we left to go to Mykonos and right now its a little after 5. Whatever, I've discovered recently that I am very nocturnal. I should do this in a list form.

1-I love it here. So much. Note the twitter updates one the right. I've been putting these up about 5 times a day. Its easier than blogging.
2-Its been 70 degrees and sunny everyday. No clouds in sight most of the time. Love.
3-The moon here is amazing. Actually, stunning would be the better word. Sad part is pictures don't capture it well enough.
4-The fact that typing this is really hard, because I've been thinking/talking in Greek.
5-I have a TAN. and freckles - which are still wierd to me that I've got them.
6-My cousin has fallen for Kate. Kate has fallen for my cousin. Neither can speak each other's language...leaving me to be their translator. Not fun....
7-Cliff diving....is exhilerating. Hiking to the cliff is not.
8-I have a blister from not being used to wearing flipflops...ouch.
9-I hate the fact that the US$ is shit in Europe.
10-I love the fact that right now, I'm looking out my window and can see the sun rising over Fira.
11-I really love how some things you'll never forget. Like the nice old lady at the fish market my uncles sell at....she was acient and is still sitting in the same spot selling squid when I was a little kid.
12-The fact that I can sit at my uncles with Kate and George and my other cousins and drink wine, as much as we want...and not get introuble.
13-I love the fact that donkeys are awesome.
14-I love how there's no cars, or very few cars here.
15-I love that I'm home. :) Do I have to go back to real life?

Picture TIME!!!!

This is the view from the ferry as you get to the island. :)


SUNSET...the outer islands. one has hotsprings and is an active volcano, the other is just a lump of land with people living there.

Ignore my last post.

The whole crappy day yesterday and basically everything that made me so disgustingly mad at the world (this has really nothing to do with anything) but anyway, I solved my problem....a problem I didn't create.

Anyway...so 5 things I am really, really, excited about:

1-CSI tonight, with Taylor Swift as the guest star. I'm curious about her acting ability. It'll be either great or a trainwreck. So I'll be watching that.

2-Going home...to my real, true home. Greece. In a few short weeks. Yay!

3-The fact that I can now play 6 of my top 10 all time favorite songs fairly well on guitar. There will be a small concert of me playing up soon. So yay for some talent! Also, for you guys to learn, its really not that hard to do. Guitars are only like 100 bucks, and if you learn D, A, Em, G, C, and Bm you can play like 25 thousand songs....its amazing.

4-The fact that my voice is coming back. Yay for zythromax!

5-The fact that when I went bathing suit shopping, everything I tried on looked amazing. Espically the abs. UGH I LOVE THEM! So I got bikinis to show them off. Yay for the gym!


And honestly, for the first time in a long time, I'm happy. Its so great. I feel amazing, my body feels great, I'm comfortable in my skin. The twinkle in my eyes is back. Just...right now, I feel like nothing could go wrong. It is an amazing feeling to have. Minus yesterday.....

Toodles!

The 2 AM epiphany......and Fearless.

I realized that nothing can change the past and that I'm going to hurt and hurt often. But I will continue to live and be a person. Nothing can change the fact that one of my best friends died. I've accepted it in my head but my heart hasn't and maybe never will. Maybe I'll never have all of me accept it. I don't think its possible.

I think i've completed the whole 5 steps of greiving. And I'm going to live because she can't because I know she knows that the eight months I spent......well, you know.


In other news, the whole learning guitar is going amazingly. I can play "Fearless" by Taylor Swift....like great song. Amazing. If you haven't heard it...go listen. And find an acoutic version.

I think what I love most about the song is the fact that love is fearless. Its being with someone who makes you feel fearless. Its dancing in the rain and first kisses that are fearless. Driving down the road and feeling fearless just because of the guy who's driving you. Besides, what's life if you are fearless?

10 to 18 *The Dance*

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know
I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance

By Garth Brooks. Oh, how do I love his music.

Ten days to 18. Sigh, so close. I have no plans yet. I really need to figure something out. Plan some sort of party...I'm a procrastinator on this type of thing.

I did go today and bought tickets for Saturday night for Shrek the Musical. I'm kinda scared...but Disney does great plays. And I also went and ordered a birthday cake for Cass. I'm really kinda scared about this weekend. Being alone with 3 10 year olds will be a blast. I'm planning on keeping us busy. Cass called last night and we made a list of what she wants to do. We've got a Times Square hotel. I'm not sure where the window will be, but I hope we get a view of Broadway.

Didn't excersice today. Too tired. I did have to go this morning and get bloodwork done. Something about being anemic when I went to have my physical last week. I get dizzy alot, and its definatly not high blood pressure, so they sent me to get that done. Not sure about that though...I doubt I'm anemic. Oh...and when I was out (slushy mess of everything...ruined my boots. They were only like 30 bucks though and the sole is starting to come off. So that doesn't bother me much.) I bought pink skinny jeans. Love them. They're a tad bit long, so I'll either fold them under when wearing, because I'm growing (yay!) or just hem them.

After that...I don't know. I have classes tommarow morning, then the plane lands at three. I'm meeting them there. So I can see my mom and Tannie.

I know how everyone enjoys my rambling, so I'll stop. Happy Thursday.

The semi-answer to my problem....

Okay...so this fall, when I was talking to my counselor and was feeling much better and handled this all so much better, she mentioned the 5 stages of grief. I never really considered them fully until now. So. Let's review.


1-Denial. this happened before her death. I denied that she was only given a certain amount of time.

2-Anger. happened about an hour after the non-stop crying stopped. It involved screaming at random people and getting angry over everything about her.

3-Bargaining. Also happened before. Bargaining with the Powers that be, aka. God. about why this has happened to her and all other children, esp little children in general.

4-Depression. That definatly happened. You, reader, know that.

5. Acceptance. Part of me has, part of me hasn't. Someday (soon) it will happen. It needs too. Its only a matter of time. I know that the logical part of me haas accpeted it, but the irrational, stubborn side hasn't.


So that's the thought for the night. Opinions are welcome this time.