:)

Its already the New Year in over half the world. I've gotten a call from my cousin in Greece and its almost time in Italy...5 minutes I think.

Anyway, that means its 8 hours until its time here. 8 hours to 5. I cannot believe its been that long. I mean...we weren't even couply until we were like, 15.

So, we're going to dinner. alone. And then its off to a friends house for a little and then, hopefully, to the beach to ring in the New Year. If not, then its to somewhere....hopfully.

I hate not having concrete plans. I'm like a major plan ahead person. To the extent that it annoys people very much. I also took a picture of my belly button (and my outfit, Morena, even though its nothing we talked about) to show you guys.

As for the whole talking to my dad issue, we had a "friendly" convo today. Which was nice.

Oh, I bought Harry, A History by Mellissa Anelli of the Leaky Cauldron and its really slightly embarrassing that I can remember exactly where I was when I found out when the last book was coming out. (At school, study hall, and got a text from my friend and screamed). Anyway, Its very good and I love it. I read it all today.

Well, its been the new year in Italy for the last 7 minutes and I'm gone for the night.

Have a safe and happy new year everyone!! Happy 09!

My Belly Button

Wierd random convo this morning while eating breakfast (CINNAMON BUNS!!!). I was sitting on the counter and I had my bathing suit top on b/c I was going to go in my friends hotub. And Ethan was sitting and eating with my sis, Ili and this occurs.
A- me, E- Ethan, I - Illiana.

E-You're bellybutton's wierd.
A-No...its not. Its normal.
I-Yeah. It kinda is.
A-What do you mean?
E-Its like....not centered. Most are like right above the jeans button and in a straight line from the nose.
A-And mine isn't???
E-Yeah, stand up. Illi, lift up your shirt too. See...her's is in the right spot.
A-Uhuh...whats the big deal though.
E-Idk...its just different. But you are too.

And I'm laying here and they're right...its not centered. Wierd.

2009. GOALS

1. Get my body back. 95% of people but "wieght loss" in their NYRs and I fit that. I want my abs back. And my lung capacity, and stamina back. I will work on it. I kinda want one of those bender ball things. My abs were AMAZING. It would be nice to have them again. And to be able to run 5 miles without a problem like I could before.

2. Talk with people more about things that matter.

3. Make a difference.

4. Cut back on computer time. Seriously.

5. I had one more, but I forgot it.

2008, a Playlist

Better in Time - Leona Lewis anthem of my year. because it all gets better in time.

I Still Miss You - Kieth Anderson the first six are all actually, I'll always miss you.

More Than A Memory - Garth Brooks "when you're waking up a friend in the dead of night just to here him say its gonna be all right"

Miserable at Best - Mayday Parade "I can live without you but, without I'll be miserable at best" This is actually a break up song, but that line stands out to me. I cried when I saw them live and they did this.

Breathe - Taylor Swift "I can't breathe without you, but I have to breathe"

Change - Taylor Swift "These things will change." it DOES change. it DOES get better. I'm living proof of this.

Halo - Beyonce "Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night, You're the only one I want, I Think I'm addicted to your light."

Letter to Me - Brad Paisley This song is great.

My Wish - Rascal Flatts "When its cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile" Another life anthem. Kelli loved this song.

Mary's Song - Taylor Swift (this song will be on it every year) "You looked at me, got down on one knee." --the songs alomost over now :)

Simple - Katy Perry Its Katy, its a funny song, but it's very good. I love it.

Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band "A pair of jeans that fit just right, and the radio up" This song is like, the twangiest country song, but I love it. Its simple and truthful.

Fearless - Taylor Swift "You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless, and I don't know why but with you I'd dance, in a storm, in my best dress, fearless" I love this song. I love dancing in the rain. I love date nights. I love kissing in the rain. Takes me back to, I think, Kansas, and it was drizzling, and I forced E to pull over and dance of the side of the highway.

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz Summer song. I love this. Even though my summer was shit, I would hear this and smile for 3 minutes. And its acoustic.

After Tonight - Justin Norzuka I have a *slight* obsession with this song.

Stay Awake (acoustic) - All Time Low "Before you ask which way to go, remember where you've been......dreams only last for a night" Okay...so this song is like 438718976109487610697130967 times better acoustic. They did it when I saw them and I was like...URGH because I don't like it as much with all the guitars and drums and bass.

Every Day - Rascal Flatts "Every day, you save, my life" I couldn't have made it through this year without a few people, one specifically, and that line is like BAM on the personalness scale.

Skin - Rascal Flatts "She dreams she's dancing, around and around, without any cares" When I here this song and see the video, I cry. It's Kelli. They did it in concert and It was just Jay and the piano and it was beautiful.

All these songs mean something huge to me and are all now burned onto a cd to stick in the envelope titled 2008 with everything I want to save. I suggesting listening to a few of them because they are GREAT songs!

2008 - A reflection.

The year of growing up.
Graduating early, moving away from the family, and growing up emotionally
The year of breaking down.
Loosing it too many times. Loosing it over people, over me, over anything depending on my mood.
The year of fun.
As much pain that I was in this year, I had a lot of fun. Probably the most all year.
The year of loss.
Loosing my best friend is probably the one event that will stand out to me. I miss you.
The year of love.
And realizing the person who I need the most will always be there for me.
The year of learning.
College has changed me. And I've learned so much more than just acedemically.
The year of stupidity.
Face it head on, I started this year stupid. But learned from my mistakes. I hope.
The year of hope.
For the first time, I felt hope and pride of living in this country. Thank you Mr. President-Elect.
The year of music.
This year was probably the most musical of my life. I'm posting a playlist of the year soon.
The year of growing, physically.
I grew 3.7 inches this year. Bringing me to five feet five and a half inches. YAY!
The year of growing, mentally.
State the obvious, my brain's been expanded. Vocab is 10x better than it was 2 years ago. And in general, I just know so much more.

Overall, 2008 is the toughest, most challenging year of my life. But it had its great moments. Most memorable year so far - in good and bad ways.

Goodbye, two thousand eight. Hello two thousand nine.

Shopping today

Here's Some of What I Go:



From left to right:
Black ruffle dress, f21, I really like it. wearing my jeans under it and the second too.
Satin flower dress, f21, in the pic its not zippered in the back. I LOVED this.
black skirt, h&m, with buttons on the waist. its versitile
black ruffle skirt, h&m, new years eve anyone?

Also got: pink satin flats, lots of bracelets (my new obsession), black ankle boots from target, a scarf, a few flowered wrap shirts, a white lace tank, black sweater thing with the long front that your can wrap around yourself and snuggle into, a loot from bath and body works, dark green skinny jeans, red high waisted shorts, black pinstripe vest, red sequin covered shift dress, purple pumps, lace tights, flower printed tights, tee shirts to decorate, and comfy sweats.

Oh...and everything was on sale for less than half its original price! I spent only like 130$ today!!!

Style

My wardrobe needs an update. Bad. And I have all this freetime. So I might as well use it. So hopefully this will work. 2009 is the year of Fabulous, Flawless, and Fun. Hopefully.

People Who's Style I Idolize:

Camilla Belle: because she has similar skin tones and coloring as me. She's carries herself well, and has style. I love the way she uses color, and the simple, but perfect accesorizing she uses. My favorite look here would have to be the blue dress, the white ruffly one or the one above it to the left (black and white).

Taylor Swift: Lets just state the obvious, I love this girl. From her shoes, she's almost six feet tall but not afraid to tower in heels. She can carry almost every type of clothing and has great taste. I love her in almost every thing I see her in. My favorite looks here would have to be the the Louboutin Boots outfit with the skirt, the white skirt, and the white Marchesa dress at the ACM Awards (bottom left).

Somehow, I will emulate these two lovely ladies style next year. I chose these two because they're youthful, inspiring, and bold.


Oh...if you click on the pictures of Taylor and Camilla it makes them bigger.

Random

The note from Ethan. (because its illegible)

It says:

A-

Someday you are going to be such a great mother. You are such an amazing person and I don't tell you that enough. I am honored to know you. These kids that you've practically raised don't realize it either. I cannot wait to have a family with you and I just realized this now. I am so lucky to have you. I love you.

-E

Seriously, that rates in the top 5 of the sweetest things he's ever done.

I love my friend Mattie. He's the male equivalent of myself. I met up with him and he brought this gorgoues (I spelt this wrong) guy with him...and I was like, "For me?" and then he was like, "No...for me."

But he left, and it was just me and Mattie and it was so much fun. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time. Which was great.

Anway...the next post will be a reflection of 2008. aka the toughest but best year of my life.

I had a grown-up convo today.

And that made me happy. I was with my little brother and the twins outside on the swings and Ethan was there, and we don't normally have these types of conversations. And that made me...like, beyond estatic. Actually....to put it this way...it wasn't even a convo. It was a note left on the table before he left. I never noticed him write it or leave it there. But we talked after. And it was probably the most mature conversation we've ever had.

Its just these random things that happen that make me happy. So this note, I'll take a picture of it for you guys tommarow. It made my day.

And did I mention that I need a life? I have no life. I waste so much time on the internet. But honestly, I have nothing else to do. Tommarow night, I'm going out to dinner with my BGF. He's awesome. We've been in the same drama class all throught Cali HS and he made the shit days hilarious. I probably spent more hours after school with Mattie than I did with anyone else. I haven't seen him since May - he went to London - and we've kept in contact.

Oh...did I also mention that 4/5 movies I've watched are created for hopeless romantics. I really need a life.

Snow Pictures Post

These two are on the way up to skiing.



more snow stuff.

My memory card of NYC at Christmas got deleted/lost. grrr.

Some of your blogs

won't let me comment. In case you were wondering. Raven's and someone elses. I forgot now.

Morena's did it the other nigtht.

ummm today i went shopping and hit up some sales. I got a few tees at AE that I actually love.

Anyway....i'l be back later to post pics.

Happy Christmas!

my day started last night

we did our italian fish dinner then the little kids went to bed and the rest of us watched movies until 11. then we got everyone up and we all went to midnight mass.

then we came home at like 1 am. and my little sister is like "its christmas we can open presents now"

and i'm like "its not christmas until there's sun"

eventually....everyone was in bed by like 2.

wake up at 3:30 am to

"OMG SANTA CAME SANTA CAME SANTA CAME"

and my mom's like "do you see sun?" sent them back to bed.

wake up again at 5:15 to my little sis, Cass, sitting on my bed STARING at me.

I'm like you can sleep here.....

For real, this time, woke up 7. The deal in my house is that no one can open presents or see the tree until everyone is awake. The 10 of us (baby and MIA older sis not present) sat on the stairs until 8 when my dad was like "breakfast is ready"

not one of the littler kids ate. i was like guys...seriously?

9...open presents, one by one, for 14 people, plus the animals, until about 11:30. Dad and Nonna go and makes dinner.

Oh...ethan came over b/c his mom is jewish. thats the reason they came out. besides the fact that his dad went to london. he didn't want to be alone. got present from him.

dinner at 2 with everyone, including ethan and his mom. (i love her she's awesome)

had a "snow ball fight" in the living room. with balls of wrapping paper. (we save them every year)

the boyfriend and mom went over did the hannukah thing. still over there.

had a long talk with my nonna about the meaning of life/christmas/love.

little kids have now passed out. my mom and dad and nonna are baking. idk what for. i'm watching Love Actually, best movie ever.

oh....i guess i should say what i got:

from my parents/santa:

ugg moccasin slippers
tales of beedle the bard
tourquoise earrings
donation to the american cancer society
and a promise to go shopping for my room

from ethan:

earrings. so cute.
love actually dvd because someone stole mine

from the little siblings:

taylor swift doll
a pink fake christmas tree
some finger painted pictures that will go on my wall
bracelets
a toe ring
a glasses case because Illi broke mine.

from my friend Kelli's mom (kelli passed away in July):

a double framed picture of me and her when we were 10 and when we were 17 with the lyrics to My Wish by Rascal Flatts engraved on it. (which made me cry)


I hope everyone's Christmas at least a little bit shorter and that everyone got what they wanted and more sleep than i did last night.

Oh, and Miss Raven, if you are reading, you're blog won't let my comment.

Merry Christmas!!

This morning went by fast and fun. I took many pictures that I'll put up. One day I'll just have to post a ton of pictures of the month of December.

I hope everyone's day went great. And that everyone got what they wanted.

I hope to talk to you all soon!

Oh yeah...so I forgot

My mother, who I am quite annoyed with, made me a dentist appointment today.

And I am getting my wisdom teeth out in January.

WHY?

because, I quote, they have to come out, unquoute.

They don't even bother me.

Oh well....should be interesting,

I want this.

The last 10 minutes of Twilight minus the whole Victoria being there (ummm wtf???) is amazing. It is beautiful and perfect. And I want that. I want to slow dance on a gazebo covered in twinkling lights with a fairy-tale esque fountain near by. I want to only think about that one person. I want to think, "Hey, nothing can go wrong, ever, and I want to be like this forever. No matter what."

The reason I think this is because I have watched that ending like five minutes ago. And I wanted to cry because its so beautiful.

And the reason I'm like this is probably because I am post-ms ing. I don't get it before. I get it after. Wierd.



So...in all...I want this. I've had like, in total, two movie-like romantic moments. I'm such a hopeless romantic....

12/22 Thoughts

My identity. What is it? This is something I've been contemplating recently. Who am I?

I am the big sister. The one who cares for her brothers and sisters like their her own kids. The one who loves them unconditionally. Who is oddly maternal and who helped raise them. They are a part of me like I am a part of them.

I am a friend. To my siblings, to anyone. I'm an open person. I can meet someone and become friends with them in an instant - they may not like me but whatever. If you walk into my life its probably going to be hard for me to let you walk out.

But after that, who am I?

I think that I am me from the people around me. How they act, reflects how I am. If they're happy, I'm happy. They're part of my identity. I really can't figure out how to explain this.

I need to find me, figure out who I actually am. Because in highschool, in Cali, I was, and still am "Meyer's girl." Half of his friends don't even know I am. He got friends, I didn't really have that many out here. I had my few drama and orchestra friends but we really aren't friends like I am with others. I tagged along with him to get that "highschool expierence" - the parties, the games, school things. I would have been a homebody. I got asked several times a day about why he even liked me. And it hurt. I hated highschool. It was an evil place. Not the golden years like everyone says. I think I'm having them now.

So. I need to find me.

Oh

In my random free time I'm going to be messing around with the blog's layout.

I've added clocks and this day in history tonight.

I love history...probably because its concrete and finite and can't be changed.

I hate undefinate things. Anyway...gooodnight.

So

I am finally packed. Boxes are sent home with most of my stuff, I'm just bringing on the plane my cello and two suitcases plus stuffing more stuff in Ethan's suitcase. Should be hilarious trying to get them closed.

Christmas shopping is mostly done. I haven't done my dad's yet. Finishing my mom's as I type. They all got mailed home too.

We were supposed to be there by now but snow came in and upstate got a good 10 inches and I "need" to ski...so I got some friends together and we drove up...roads were shit. It was fun..the mountain isn't super challenging (sp?) but it was all fresh powder and perfect. I took some really awesome pictures. Ofcourse, me being me, forgot my knee brace thingy (a few years ago I fucked up my knee skiing and now I have to wear a brace thingy when I ski or do anything the requires a lot of pressure on the knee) and now it like, hurts and tommarow I probably won't be able to walk..but whatever. It was worth the pain. I'll post the awesome pictures tommarow.

I have so much energy right now....adrenaline does great things for you. I go home hopefully-fingers crossed- monday morning. We're supposed to get wierd weather again. I just really want to go home. And I need to make New Years Eve plans. And Hannukkah starts tommarow. I'm not sure if my roomies are celebrating because their dad is Catholic.I think we're waiting until Cali to celebrate.

Next time I post - hopefully I'll be on the West Coast.

A few random things...

1- I saw Twilight. And I loved it. The only things I have issues with is the fact that when Edward sparkles, he makes noises. Overall, I love it and can't wait for New Moon next fall! Oh...and I've seen it three times in theaters so far. And bits and pieces online. Enjoy this...lol.



2-This blew me away. Can I just mention how much I love this song. And for once, as much as I love her, she's finally blowed me away in a live performance...wait, I take that back - Should've Said No at the ACM's was amazingness. But there was emotion and I think it was kind of an in-your-face moment to Joe Jonas (the scumbag who dumped her over the phone in 27 seconds...you guys have noticed I spend way to much time online....) Anyway, here it is:



Ah....that was it. For today.

A Quick Thought

I guess I never admitted to myself, or anyone really, how bad it all actually was...how it still is. For the past six - almost seven - months I've changed.

And this summer I was a different person than I am today. Now I am closer to me - who I know I am and was before this whole thing.

I think it was visible to those close to me. It wasn't Ally in there. It was something else entirely. There were days I never got out of bed. Days I didn't eat...days I didn't even get out of bed to pee. I just laid there and stared at the wall and cried.

Ofcourse people some people know this, my mom and dad, Ethan, and Tobie. They saw it and they were the ones who practically forced me to get help. Without them and them doing this for me, I don't know where I'd be.

So why am I telling you this? I think its partly admitting it to myself, and partly because when I came online, I came online in attempt to escape my pain. Because, online, you can be anything. I put on a mask almost, and said to everyone that "Yeah..I'm okay" and "It's getting better" but in actually it wasn't.

And it still hurts, it will always hurt. I am a stronger person now and am so proud of myself that I made an actual effort to live and have a life.

So now you know.

Ugh...I love this dress

I've been looking for fun...because I get bored and have nothing else to do. So tonight my sister, Ili, and Morena went shopping.

I found this dress and I loved it. It is a little bit expensive though. I really want to try it on.
Comments?

http://tinyurl.com/6rs7zp

Take notice of the detailing on the bodice and the train. Have emailed the link to my mother and other relatives. Most like it...my mother, however does not. "Too Sexified."

I found this one, also. And I love the bodice detaling. I spelt that wrong, didn't I?

http://tinyurl.com/5p3myn

Gearing up for the longest week of my life

aka. finals, paking, moving.

I'm realy happy to have this all behind me. Saturday a whole bunch of us are going skiing, and then they're throwing a going away party for me. Next Saturday I go home. When I get home, I'm going to try to figure some things out, about me, about my family, about life in general if I can. Somethings have happened to me mostly, that I have to figure out. This is not a good bye - more like a hello to alot of questioning.

And I'm so excited for the holidays. It'll be the first one that my family has spent at home in our own home and not in another city or country with family. That'll be great. I still I have to go shopping for the little brothers. They're waiting to put the tree up for me to get there. The apartment is decorated and I love it. It looks so great.

And then...it'll be five years since the night I got my first kiss. So many great things have happenened since then. I'm so lucky to have found true love on the first try. Ugh...still have to get hime something though.

Ugh...just figured I'd update you all on my life. If you don't hear from me next week, you all know why.

Florida

Sunrise. Somewhere in New Jersey. I think.




Cinderella's Castle. This is what it looked like when Ethan proposed.


The Everest roller coaster. Its awesome. I rode it twice.



Mickey during 'Fantasmic' at Hollywood Studios.

Minnie Mouse


So there's about 650 more pictures. I'll post more over time...but these are just a few. The trip was amazing. I had so much fun with my family. The only big issues were the hotel (We booked three rooms, and they put us in three seperate buildings...then we got it changed and it got switched to the same building but different floors...It finally ended after my dad talking to the hotel manager and we all got two rooms on the third floor and one on the first.) and getting home this past weekend.

Umm...I was going to say something else but I forget.

Currently listening too: Never Think - Rob Pattinson